I Do Like Chocolate Malts

 

Fifteen years ago my doctor told me to get a colonoscopy. So I got a colonoscopy. Like everybody says, the actual procedure isn't so bad because they put you in fantasyland with the nice drugs. What I hated about it, and why I never got another colonoscopy in fifteen years, was the preparation. From what I remember, I had to drink about three gallons of a disgusting liquid that tasted like a vomit milkshake. I shudder just thinking about it. Of course the reason they have you drink that stuff is to clean you out, and clean me out it did. Like a fire hose.

A couple of months ago I did the Cologuard thing, which is like doing a school science project with your own poop. That also is disgusting. Anyway, the results came back and I was told that I needed the colonoscopy again. So I have it scheduled in three weeks, right after Thanksgiving. I did tell my doctor that I didn't want to drink that preparation goop again, that I had heard of a pill you can take instead. The doctor told me that was my choice and wrote me a prescription for the pill. But, it isn't a pill. It is twenty four pills the size of my pinky finger that I have to wash down with gallons of water in two thirty minute periods. These are supposed to be about six hours apart with the second of those thirty minute periods at midnight the night before the procedure. So I'm expected to get a good night's sleep with the preparation pills knocking at my back door all night. I'm sure it won't be an easy night for me. However, at least I don't have to drink three gallons of vomit flavored milkshakes.