I Never Want to See, Smell, or Taste Jell-O Again

 

7:00am: Monday morning. I've fed Scout and while she eats, I eat my breakfast. A half cup of bright, lime green Jell-O, and a cup of black coffee. I made two packages of lime Jell-O on Sunday in preparation for my colonoscopy fast. The instructions are no solid foods, but Jell-O is okay just as long as it isn't orange or red Jell-O. I guess if the doctor comes across something red in your intestines, he'll be confused.

10:30am: Jell-O fills you up just fine, for about sixty seconds and then the hunger returns. So, I ate some more Jell-O. In fact I've already eaten half of what I had made on Sunday.

11:34am: I'm at Lowes shopping for Christmas wreaths. Hunger has returned and I feel very lightheaded as find myself telling stupid jokes to the cashier. The cashier does not seem to appreciate my jokes since she has to work the register in the garden department and it's like forty degrees out there.

4:22pm: I'm sick of the flavor and smell of green Jell-O. That's all I have had to eat today. Now it's time to start taking the twelve pills that will leave my colon "Clean of stool." I opted for the pills because fifteen years ago I took the 'lemon' flavored liquid and I hated it. In fact I didn't finish all of it as prescribed because I didn't like the taste of lemon flavored vomit. It still worked fine. So I start taking the pills which I would describe as horse pills. They're very big. They go down just fine until I try swallowing the sixth pill. Oh well, I thought. At least I have something solid in my stomach, not just liquids and green Jell-O. Twenty minutes later I have washed down all the pills, but I used twice as much water as the instructions said to use. I'm now bloated and nauseous, and the instructions tell me to take even more water in thirty minutes. We're talking forty eight ounces of water all together, and I've already drank too much water.

6:50pm, a feeling in my gut says to run to the bathroom. I won't go into details.

11:00pm: After a break from the 'clean out' I have to take twelve more pills. I assume with similar results. 

 Tuesday, 12:40am: I can't go to bed because I fear I might fall asleep. I don't want to fall asleep. Not after I saw what happened six hours earlier.

Good Night