Bread and Circuses

 

When I was fifteen years old I got my first real job that didn't involve delivering newspapers. It was working for a neighbor in his pizza joint as the sandwich and chicken guy. I made the sandwiches and chicken dinners. Somebody else made the pizzas. The first thing, very first thing Ray the owner showed me, was how to cut the Vienna Bread for the sandwiches.

"Cut the bread as long as your wiener."

He did not use the word 'wiener'. I only used that here because family reads this sometimes. Anyway, I was not shocked. I was not offended. I didn't storm off in a huff and whine about inappropriate behavior. I cut the bread and made Italian beef and sausage sandwiches.

A couple of weeks ago I ordered two long sleeve tee shirts from my favorite place. Eddie Bauer. They looked great as do all of Eddie Bauer clothes. Unfortunately, after I washed them, they shrunk. I had three inches from the end of the sleeve to my wrist. So I went on line to return them. Noticing in the fine print that they do not accept clothes after they've been washed, I clicked on the 'chat' icon. A very nice person chatted with me about my predicament and agreed that the shirts were damaged goods and gave me authority to return them. I could either send them back in the mail or return them to a store. I chose the store because I wanted to buy some more great Eddie Bauer clothes. Yesterday morning I drove on out to Old Orchard mall and walked into the Eddie Bauer Store.

"Can I help you?"

"Yes, I need to return these shirts. Either for exchange or credit."

The elderly clerk (Probably ten years younger than me) started typing away on the computer screen. When a quizzical look came over him, I showed him the return authorization on my phone.

"But you washed them. I can't let you return those shirts. You washed them."

I explained that I had already discussed that with the online chat person and they okayed it.

"Oh, I don't know. I'll have to go get my manager."

I responded, "Well then, go get his ass over here." Sure, I know. Sounds kind of rough, but I live in Chicago and that's how people talk. The guy gave me a look and told me, "We do not allow cursing in the store."

"Oh for krissakes, like you've never heard that before."

It seems that I was in a bad mood after driving all the way to Skokie only to be denied my return. May I also point out that I was wearing Eddie Bauer jeans, an Eddie Bauer tee shirt, and an Eddie Bauer jacket and sweatshirt.

Okay, this is already a short story too long. I'll get to the point. I was denied the return by the manager, Gavin, because I had washed the shirts. I also think the elderly clerk had whined to him about me using the word 'ass' and there was no way he was going to give in to me. Seriously, it wasn't a mean thing when I said to get his ass over here. It's just how some people talk sometimes. Like me. What a bunch of fragile people we have in our world these days. After leaving the store, I called Eddie Bauer customer support and will now mail my tee shirts back for a full refund and I got a ten dollar credit for my next purchase. The nice customer support lady in India also told me that she cannot get Gavin fired. 

One more thing. After making a few sandwiches at Ray's pizza place, Ray told me that I was making the sandwiches too big.