Tommy, it was a gas

 

In May of 1969, I drove into the city, to the Uptown neighborhood. I was going to the Kinetic Playground, a small music venue, to see The Who. I believe it cost me five dollars to get in. No reserved seating, no seating at all except on the floor. The opening act was some strange guy named Joe Cocker. I had never heard of him and watching him for the first time while high on LSD was an experience. Anyway, I was looking forward to having my ears blown out by Magic Bus, and My Generation. Instead, The Who played their new album, Tommy from beginning to end. They did do Magic Bus for an encore, so I wasn't too disappointed. The thing is I had never heard Tommy before that night. As I stated, I was tripping my ass off and didn't even realize all those songs made one cohesive story. So, I was high on drugs, sitting on the floor of the Kinetic Playground, listening to the rock opera Tommy. I was young and happy.

Last Sunday my good friend Chuck invited me to lunch and a show at the Goodman Theater. The show was Tommy, an adaptation of the Who's famous album. Lunch was good. I didn't eat much and didn't drink anything other than a cup of coffee. The show was very good. For the first time in fifty four years I finally understood the whole album. Not just that a kid was deaf, dumb, and blind, and was being molested by Uncle Ernie.

There was just one problem with going to lunch and the theater. I'm not young anymore. After I eat, things happen. I find that I have to pee every thirty minutes and I get gassy. About five minutes into the show I started feeling the pressure. Not only that, but at my age sitting in a theater chair is uncomfortable. I need my Lay-Z-Boy recliner. Twenty minutes in, and I really had to pee but our seats were at the end of a row jammed up against the wall. So I hung on for the entire first act, about an hour or more. At intermission I trampled everybody while rushing to the rest room, and managed to get a good urinal. I proceeded to pee for about five minutes. When I was done, there was a long line stretching out the door of the restroom. By the time I walked by the end of that line, I rejoined it and peed again. Then, just to make things exciting, on my way out of the place I farted. Didn't need that stewing in my gut for the second act. Which I might say, was excellent.