Screw It

 

Just in case you don't know, a lag bolt is a large screw-in bolt used for putting two large pieces of wood together. I need three of them.

The other day I drove up to the big blue hardware store to buy some plants. Sadly, the heavy rains we had over the past few weeks drowned some of my flowers to the point of killing them. Because we're months into the growing season, I assumed the big box hardware stores would have some bargains. They didn't, their plants seemed a bit over priced. I put three large pots of flowers into my basket anyway because I'm lazy and didn't want to drive all over looking for cheaper stuff. Also, while I was there, I went over to the nut and bolt aisle for those three lag bolts I need. In a little drawer marked 3/8 x 6, I found a jumbled mess of different sized lag bolts along with a few regular bolts. After digging around I got the three I needed and headed for the checkout. One more fact you need to know before I go on. The bolts had no labels on them. No markings, no prices. I had looked for an employee to see if they had little bags and a pencil like real hardware stores have, but there wasn't one anywhere near nuts and bolts. I pushed my cart up to the row of checkout counters. They were all closed. Down at the end were four self-check counters with two of those closed. I know they were closed because the only employee near the checkout counters told me, "Thems closed." I then handed her the three unmarked lag bolts, told her what the price was on the little drawer, and asked her to ring them up for me. With a sigh and a roll of the eyes, she walked over to one of the regular old fashioned checkout counters and picked up the phone. Over the store loudspeakers I heard, "I need an associate from hardware at the checkout." Minutes later a slow moving old guy showed up. I was still standing over in the self-check area waiting as the old guy slowly walked back past me holding the three bolts. As he disappeared off into the bowels of the big blue hardware store you could hear my voice nearly as loud as the checkout lady's voice was over the loudspeakers. "Oh, hell no." as I walked out the door, leaving my cart with the plants behind.