Monday, November 8, 2010

Not All Lesbians Look Like Cubans

You would think that with my brain so damn close, that smarter things would come out of my mouth. Unfortunately the opposite seems to be true. Maybe it's that short route to the tongue that makes it difficult for me to regulate what's about to be blurted out before I actually do. When Mark and I are out at bars, or parties, I have actually seen him cringe when I started making my corny jokes, and observations.

I have said the wrong things in the wrong situations more than a few times in my life. In fact it just happened recently, but I'll not recount that incident as it would only make the results worse. Instead I'll just give you two examples of how I've managed to fit my foot, all the way up to the ankle, squarely in my mouth.

Example number one. While discussing with a friend the health of his partner, I managed to bring up the fact that I knew somebody who had died from exactly the same malady. I immediately realized how insensitive that was, and my gaffe was hammered home by the few moments of silence that followed. Luckily my friend still talks to me, though not too much about his partners health.

On another occasion, Mark and I were at a party and for some reason I decided to bring up the subject of Cuban women's hair.
I opened my mouth and this came out.
"Why do all older Cuban women wear lesbian haircuts?"
After a few seconds of silence, one of Mark's closest friends who happened to be Cuban, informed me in a frosty tone that, "My mother wears her hair like that, and she is not a lesbian."
Unfortunately it created a rift between Mark and his friend, and they never talked again. That was sad, and I obviously shouldn't have said what I said at that time. Now I'm not saying that the content of the statement was wrong, and I shouldn't think that way. No, it was that I said it out loud.... in front of a Cuban..... at a party in front of a bunch of other people.

Ileana Ros-Lehtinen


  1. I have made the exact same "I know someone who died" comment. Still feel like shit about it.

    The older I get, the more it happens.

    And you DO have a point about the lesbian hair. Just sayin'

  2. I wish I had dark tanned Cuban skin to go with my lesbian haircut. I'm as Irish and pasty as they come.

  3. So did you ever find out Why all older Cuban women wear lesbian haircuts?

    I would think with the heat and humidity in Cuba that they would want to keep their hair short because it is easier to handle. Long hair, heat, and humidity don't mix...too hot.

  4. These are woman who live here in Miami, and have air conditioning. Maybe they just want to look like professional tennis players.

    Hostess, are you sure you are pasty? It could be that the sun can't penetrate the smog over Philly.

  5. Filter, filter, filter!!!! You are your father's son.....Mom kicked his shins under the table so many times over 57 years that he had permanent dents....and still he couldn't filter!

  6. Peggy, I know. It really pisses me off that, that guy is making millions off of 'Shit My Dad Says'. Our dad said some crazy shit too. When I bought some very fashionable Beatle boots back in 1964 his reaction was "You look like a fucking broad. You're taking those fucking high heel shoes back."
    And I did return them to Sears. I was only fourteen and terrified of him.

  7. The sky is a permanent shade of gray in Philly, hence the unsunny disposition of all its inhabitants.

    But I escaped recently to an all inclusive Mexican resort for my niece's wedding and still managed to look like a drunk albino the entire time. At one point my girlfriend thought she saw a tan line, but it turned out to be an unfortunate accident involving enchiladas and mango margaritas.

    All my ancestors lived deep in European caves.

  8. Alan, that guy had the internet as a friend to start out. And we would have had to delete every other word or turn them into "%$^&#@*&@!!"!

  9. I remember those Beatle boots. They were worn by the cool guys. I wish they would come back with them. I guess they did....