They're Kind Of Like A Hospital Gown For Eskimos

For the last couple of years I have been snickering at the Slanket, and Snuggie commercials, feeling quite smug that I would never be so stupid as to buy one of those silly things. That was until I spent the last ten days here in sunny, warm Florida, freezing my ass off. Right now I would love a Slanket, and some thermal long underpants to wear under it. I have lived here for twenty one years, and I have never experienced such a prolonged cold snap. Usually it’s one deeply cold night with a couple of very cool nights on either side of that, finished off with a rapid warm up. What really pisses me off is that I was depending on global warming to make moving back to Chicago feasible. Even if Al Gore is right on all counts when it comes to the environment, I don’t think we’ll see palm trees in Lincoln Park in my lifetime.

Another problem with the cold is that it is pointing out to me that my body is really sixty years old. I have been experiencing some totally new aches and pains over the last week that I am convinced are caused by the weather. I think it might even be affecting my mind, because I have had a number of brain farts since the extreme cold has invaded Florida. Last Monday, after bowling, I took off my bowling shoes, pulled my street shoes out of the bag, put my bowling shoes back on, and stuffed my street shoes back into the bag which I then returned to the locker. It wasn’t until I had walked Chandler all the way around the block that night, that I realized I was wearing bowling shoes. I’ll find out how it affected them when I bowl tonight. I’m pretty sure that I removed most, if not all, of the dog shit I stepped in, but it doesn’t really matter, my game stinks anyway.