Chubby Ass

I first noticed that my big recliner chair was listing to one side a few months ago. Not much, in fact only I noticed it. I asked Mark if he could tell that the chair was lower on one side than the other, but of course he could not. He only weighs about ninety eight pounds wet, and I weigh just a smidge over two hundred. It was like putting a feather on a scale. I thought maybe it was an optical illusion because I had it on an angle from the television, and ninety nine, point nine percent of the time I was watching television from that chair. So I moved the chair and had it face the television straight on. No, that didn't help. I still felt a bit of a lean, mostly down by the footrest. So I upped the number of cocktails during prime television viewing time. That helped for a little while, until I stood up.

I paid a lot for that chair and I was not happy that it didn't feel right. Problem is, I bought it from Carson's, a famous and somewhat upscale store in Chicago that went bankrupt and out of business. Too bad. When they were still in business they replaced that chair when I complained that it didn't feel like the one I tried in the store. There was now nobody to replace the replacement. It wasn't until Miss Scout came bounding into the living room the other day and jumped up onto the chair with me that I figured out what was wrong. She's fat, and when she hit the footrest it noticeably sagged. I turned the chair over and inspected the complicated mechanics of the recliner parts. Sure enough, between Scout's fat ass and my fat legs, we had broken one of the steel struts.

I'm thinking of one of those ugly, big marshmallow looking recliner chairs. The kind with the cup holder in the arm, a USB port, and vibrator. That's what I'm thinking. It's not what Mark will let me buy.