Voice Activated Road Rage

Nothing pisses me off more than people who use the cell phone while they're driving. Unless you're talking about the assholes who speed up the left turn lanes on Lake Shore Drive as if they intend to turn left, and then at the last minute cut back into the traffic lane ahead of you. I hate them even more than the cell phone users. But enough about the assholery of the fake left turn people. This story is about cell phones and driving. I use the cell phone while driving. However, I use the hands free, blue tooth system in my Ford. When it works, it works great. I press a button and tell my car who to call. Unfortunately, the lady voice of my car's computer is an idiot. I tried to call my friend Dennis yesterday morning as I drove out to Mom's house. I pressed the button on the steering wheel and said, "Call Dennis."

"Which line would you like?" The pleasant voice from the computer asked, and she listed four options.

1 David

2 Durwood

3 Menace

4 Dennis"

"Line Four." I replied.

"Which line would you like?" Miss dumb ass repeated.

1 David

2 Durwood

3 Menace

4 Dennis

"LINE FOUR!!! YOU IDIOT." I screamed.

When she came back a third time and asked me which line, I hit the button and re-started from the beginning. I was now experiencing road rage inside my car, against my own car.

"Call Dennis." I tried again.

"Dennis. Please choose, cell phone, home phone." This time she got it easily.

"Home phone." I told her.

"Dennis. Please choose, cell phone, home phone." She again instructed me.

"Home phone." I tried to keep calm.

"Dennis. Please choose, cell phone, home phone."

"HOME PHONE... HOME PHONE... HOME PHONE YOU STUPID ASSHOLE IDIOT BITCH!"

I had let my anger get the best of me, and other drivers were looking at me as if I were insane. That's when she went into 'instructing the idiot user mode'.

"Please say a command, such as climate or phone."

I pulled my cell phone out of my pocket, flipped through my contacts, then poked the name Dennis.

"Dialing Dennis." Came the voice from my dashboard.

I was now one of those assholes fumbling around with a cell phone while driving.