Stupixent, Rebelsus, and Humidra

 

When I was a kid, long before DVRs, advertisements were an effective means of selling things. Now I just fast forward through most ads, but back then I watched them and they influenced me. Mostly the beer and cigarette ads. Hamms had that cartoon bear selling 'Hamms, the beer refreshing'. I wanted it. I wanted to be refreshed. What the Hamms bear didn't tell you is that you can get violently sick from getting 'refreshed'. And then there were the cigarettes. I was told that "Winston tastes good, like a cigarette should", so at the age of fifteen I started smoking Winston cigarettes. Later I switched to Marlboro Lights because... well the cowboy. I wanted the cowboy. I wanted to be like the cowboy.

Now cigarette ads are banned and beer commercials are rare. Most of the slack has been taken up by prescription drug commercials. As if I would demand that my doctor put me on some crazy drug I saw on television. They usually have names that kind of sound like words but aren't, like Unbilitate. These commercials are run during news shows, because that's what we old people watch. Often the ads start with happy people walking in the park with best friends, followed by the happiest of the bunch doing some kind of Asian exercise routine in a field with a bunch of other very healthy looking people. "Take Unbilitate and this could be you." Anyway, over the weekend I took my 1929 Ford to a car show not too far from here. It was held in a lovely park, on a grassy field, and in my imagination I saw myself in one of those prescription drug commercials. I fully expected shiny families and smart older folks chatting and smiling while I showed off my car. It wasn't like that.

It was hot, very hot. They had a DJ who played loud music, which for some reason was Christian rock. Most of the cars were not old cars, but newer cars that unless you're driving them really fast, are boring. Worst of all were the people who owned those cars. Petty little souls who all talked bad about each other. One guy even asked if I would vote for his car as best in show, he would vote for mine. He handed me a ballot and I filled it out per his request. Then I stuck it in the door pocket in my car, where it still sits. I left soon after that because it was too fucking hot and I was not really having fun. Some prescription drugs might have helped.