Tuesday, December 8, 2009

Oh Tannenbaum, Your Branches Green Delight Us

I am so glad that Mark opted for the live Christmas tree this year. It means I don't have to go out to the shed and drag that heavy, bug infested, fake tree back into the house. Of course this being Florida, it is very possible that the live tree we got is also infested with insects, or even a lizard or two. Real trees come with other problems, like prematurely drying out. The trees we get are trucked down to Florida all the way from places like Michigan, then they sit out in the heat and humidity for weeks before we show up to buy one. One year Mark brought home a tree that started dropping it's needles within two days. When he realized that the tree would be naked before Christmas came, he removed all the ornaments, and lights, and then he dragged the thing out to his little Miata. It was off to the Home Depot return department. (Just a note to store owners, and managers, Mark will spend a lot of money in your establishment, treat him right and everybody will be happy. Just don't screw with him, it's not worth it.)

Mark was already angry that he had to un-decorate a Christmas tree, and as he drove over to the Home Depot, his anger built into a rage. When he got there, he dragged the tree in through the door farthest from the return desk, scattering pine needles in a trail all across the front of the store, and past the cash registers. One employee tried to stop him, but to no avail. Mark continued to drag the thing through the store until he reached the return desk with nothing left but a stick and bare branches. It could have been real ugly, with Mark in a full tilt snit, but it all turned out okay, and this is one reason we still go back to Home Depot. The lady at the desk didn't even blink. She said, "Do you want cash or another tree?"


  1. I would have loved to seen that! If I worked at that Home Depot I would have enjoyed the show! It must be the year for going back to real trees. After many years of an artifical tree it's a real one for us too.

  2. I would have never thought that artificial trees could be infested by bugs just like the real ones!
    It's a miracle that live ones do make it down to Florida,
    considering the distance and the heat.

  3. Up here in Michigan they actually make the trees "greener" with a spray-on dye.
    In the future look for trees dyed in flouescent colors!

    You two need to be in a reality show.

  4. I knew you too could make Christmas more exciting.

  5. Alan World Reality Show - now that would be the ONLY reality show I would watch. It would be so funny!!

  6. Our film crew is headed to Alan's house as I write this.

  7. I did the real tree again about 2 years ago...
    So last year we went and bought an already lighted artificial tree...It unfolds like an umbrella! So very Who-ish!