Tuesday, February 16, 2010

So Big

I had a traumatic experience at the mall over the weekend. In just one short month there will be another wedding in our family, so that means I have to gather together the appropriate clothing for such an occasion. The last time I had to wear a coat and tie was eight years ago when my brother got married. I haven't pulled a suit or sport coat out of the closet to even look at one of them since. What a shock it was when I tried them all on this past weekend, it was like a sausage maker trying to stuff meat into a casing. Not only couldn't I button any of them up, but somehow my arms got longer, and fatter. I looked like Rush Limbaugh trying to squeeze into Ellen Degeneres' clothes, so it was off to the mall with Mark for a new sport coat.

As painful as it is shopping with Mark, this shopping trip was even worse. I started by trying on sport coats a couple of sizes larger than what I had at home. No luck, they were all too small. I kept on moving down the rack, trying on each size, 42, 44, 46, all too small. I had reached the end of the rack, there were no more sizes. That is when Mark said, “Okay, lets go over to the big and tall section.” Well I know that I’m not tall, just under six feet, so that could only leave big as the operative word. Thankfully the first jacket I tried on fit fine, and I didn’t have to keep working my way up to the coats for the obese. If ever I got the needed impetus to lose weight, it is having to buy clothes in the fat man’s section of the store.

As I write this I am starving. I have limited my intake of food today and when Mark asked if I wanted anything from Wendy’s, I said no. I am so intent on losing some weight that when Mark brought back a sack of smelly, greasy, food from Wendy’s, I didn’t even sneak into the kitchen and steal a French fry. Of course it’s only been one day, we’ll see how it is going by this time tomorrow. Damn I’m hungry.


  1. You should have bought a jacket a couple of sizes too big, that way everyone would ask if you've lost weight.
    I hope you're not on some no alcohol diet when I visit.

  2. I'm looking ahead at the old people in the family and planning to put off shopping for a funeral dress until the last minute. I know it's going to piss me off when I have to go up in size(s).

  3. Read what "one portion" is considered on the items of food that you buy. Then strictly follow it. It's called portion control. It works.

  4. I can't read the microscopic lettering of the portons/serving size on the packaging of the food that I eat. There is a reason the food companies make it so small...so you over-eat!