Monday, January 27, 2014

I Am the Worst



I am not good at many things. I am not very good with household do it yourself projects. You can look at my work, gaps in door jambs, floors buckling, tile popping up, to see just how bad. I am not a good cook, unless you consider cold cereal a meal. But most of all, I am not a good nurse. Do not get sick in my presence because the best that I can do for you would be to offer you a slug of Nyquil. I have no bedside manner other than to tell you that I can't do anything for you. Mark has been sick for a week now. I fucking hate it when Mark is sick. He lays around coughing up phlegm, crying about how bad he feels, and worst of all, he tells me he can't cook dinner. I am not totally heartless. I do warm up canned soup for him and I take his overflowing, tissue filled waste basket out to the garbage. What I can't do is make him feel better. I can't breath for him, I can't unclog his sinuses, and I can't stop the aches. What I can do, and I have offered, is take him to the hospital emergency room. They have everything he needs there, nurses, medicine, and people who are paid to pretend to care. In fact I would go one step further if he wants. I would call for an ambulance so that he could be taken in style, and when he got there they would put him ahead of all those poor slobs out in the waiting room. It'd also get him out of my hair for awhile. Like I said, I am the worst.

9 comments:

  1. One time AP got sick. It seemed like just a cold to me and he was carrying on and on and on. I ignored him most of the time and once in awhile I'd take him a cup of hot tea or some cold medicine. He said I was heartless but I just thought he was a big baby. Then I got it.
    I. Was. So. Sick. Achy -- sick, sick. I felt so guilty because he actually waited on me and took care of me.
    Sometimes it's hard to know what to do.

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  2. P.S. I hope Mark feels better soon.

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  3. Is there a good deli nearby where you might be able to pick up some fresh chicken soup??
    I hope Mark is feeling better!!

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  4. Don't feel too bad about not having a good bedside manner. 99.9% of nurses have no bedside manner at all and they get paid. I hope Mark feels better soon and you don't come down with what he has.

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    1. Wow, i'm thinking you haven't come in contact with real nurses. Most places hire uneducated CMA'S or just MA's because they are cheap. A real RN at the bedside is rare nowadays.

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  5. That's funny Roger, "a good deli" in south Florida.

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  6. So you are telling us you are like nurse cratchet?

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  7. http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20070816195252AAecN4l

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  8. Nurse Ratched. No, I'm not sadistic. I just hate taking care of sick people.

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