I am not
good at many things. I am not very good with household do it yourself projects.
You can look at my work, gaps in door jambs, floors buckling, tile popping up,
to see just how bad. I am not a good cook, unless you consider cold cereal a
meal. But most of all, I am not a good nurse. Do not get sick in my presence
because the best that I can do for you would be to offer you a slug of Nyquil.
I have no bedside manner other than to tell you that I can't do anything for
you. Mark has been sick for a week now. I fucking hate it when Mark is sick. He
lays around coughing up phlegm, crying about how bad he feels, and worst of
all, he tells me he can't cook dinner. I am not totally heartless. I do warm up
canned soup for him and I take his overflowing, tissue filled waste basket out
to the garbage. What I can't do is make him feel better. I can't breath for
him, I can't unclog his sinuses, and I can't stop the aches. What I can do, and
I have offered, is take him to the hospital emergency room. They have
everything he needs there, nurses, medicine, and people who are paid to pretend
to care. In fact I would go one step further if he wants. I would call for an
ambulance so that he could be taken in style, and when he got there they would
put him ahead of all those poor slobs out in the waiting room. It'd also get him out
of my hair for awhile. Like I said, I am the worst.