- AARP, those assholes sent me a membership card and membership form the month I turned fifty. Fuck them, by all standards I should have had sixteen more years before I could join the American Association of Retired People. Then I realized I could get discounts with my AARP card. So I joined. Then I realized those discounts were for things old people like to do. So I let it lapse.
- Listening to the oldies radio station. For years I resisted, realizing that to listen to Majic 102.7 Golden Oldies, would be admitting I was over the hill. Of course just the fact that I was listening to the radio instead of an ipod did that. I've also been told by Mark that even the ipod that I have finally broke down and decided to order, is obsolete. He tells me everybody is listening to their iphones now.
- Which is another old person thing, telephones. In my house is a telephone that rings the same number that I have had for twenty five years. It is called a land line. Land lines are only used by people over a certain age, and even though I have joined the twenty first century and also have a cell phone, I am told that the flip phone I use is barely twenty first century technology. The joke is on you youngsters, nobody is going to mug me for my flip phone.
- I take a lot of pills. Too many pills, and they are not for the purpose of getting stoned.
I'm going to wrap up this little study in old age now. Sixty Minutes is coming on soon, and after that there is a Murder She Wrote marathon. I don't want to miss it.