Wednesday, June 18, 2014

Bette Gets Stoned

Seventeen years ago, on Labor Day weekend, Mark and I went to New Orleans for an event called Southern Decadence. As far as the weekend went, it was very decadent, but that's not what this is about. Between drinking, and "partying", and watching dead Princess Di coverage on the television, Mark and I managed to do a little sightseeing, and for Mark that means shopping. On the last day, when we were getting ready to go to the airport, Mark left me at a restaurant for a while because 'he had something to do'. As I sat there watching the time pass, I wondered what could have been so important that he would leave me alone when we should really be thinking about getting to the airport. It got so late that I was seriously considering leaving him behind. I have never missed an airplane flight in my life, and I never intended to. It was just about that time that Mark came sauntering in as if nothing was the matter.
            "We have to stop somewhere before we leave Alan. I bought a couple of things."
            "No, we have to get to the airport, like right now!"
So we hailed a taxicab and started for the airport, after we stopped to pick up Mark's purchases. This is what he bought at an artist's studio. Two large concrete busts, one large concrete wall sconce of Poseidon holding up a shelf, plus various other, small, concrete art pieces. I'll never forget schlepping fifty pounds of concrete through the New Orleans Airport and trying to stuff that shit in the overheads and under the seats along with our carryon luggage. I should have realized at that point that Mark was sick, that Mark was not only a shopaholic but a manipulative shopaholic. Now, seventeen cluttered years later, it continues. Yesterday Mark dragged me through the Home Goods Store, ostensibly to buy a new cutting board for the kitchen. We did leave that store with a new cutting board, along with a concrete statue that I made clear to Mark, we do not need!
            "But it's only fifteen dollars, and it looks so cute. I have to have it."
We have a house full of crap that Mark has just had to have. The garden is also full of statues, planters, and metal sculptures that he just had to have. I do have to agree though, this piece of crap that Mark bought is cute.


  1. The statue is cute. But Bette is adorable! I have to say it's a good thing (?) that trip was so many years ago. They'd never allow that concrete menagerie on the plane now.

  2. I love her statue, but you can't leave Chandler out. Quickly commission a bronze for him!

    My girlfriend has the same disease...
    I have schelpped 5 huge copper planters, 50 lbs of a coin collection, 7 sombreros, 3 hand-painted Mexican platters, and a Cowboy's football helmet pinata as carry-ons. (The last one was my fault.)

  3. Somewhere in this house is a Christmas ornament that looks exactly like Chandler. And BTW, isn't anybody going to ask me how I got Bette to pose so nice with the concrete schnauzer?

  4. I'll ask... how did you get Bette to pose?

    Bette is really cute.

  5. 100 shots with the digital camera and lots of yelling "Bette, Bette, over here, Bette".