Thursday, October 16, 2014

Choke on it!



I finished the kitchen back-splash yesterday, but not without drama.
"What is that? You missed a spot." said the man who doesn't do one single bit of the work.
"It's fine." I answered.
"There's another spot you missed. It needs more grout."
"I'm going to caulk it later, you'll never see it. Now leave me alone."
Sigh, "You never do things right. It's going to look like shit." said the man who flirts with his own murder on a daily basis.
"GET THE FUCK OUT OF THE GODDAMNED KITCHEN. LEAVE THE DAMN HOUSE NOW!" replied the man with anger issues, which the other man knows about and for entertainment purposes screws with him constantly.
When I work on a home project I have found that it is best that I'm all alone. Sure I could cut my fingers off or electrocute myself and have nobody around to help me, but those are the chances I'll take for the peace and quiet. Mark constantly checks on what I'm doing and throws his two cents in as if I were a penny gumball machine. The biggest problem is that Mark watches HGTV as filler between his favorite Bravo television shows. HGTV fills his head with crazy ideas that he expects me to fulfill. His latest is that he wants the living room painted. I just painted the goddamned thing a couple of years ago.
"It isn't that hard to paint the room. Besides, on The Property Brothers they say you should never have 'specific' colors." said the man who picked that 'specific' color and filled the living room with enough clutter to choke a hoarder. Hmmm... choking, there's an idea.

6 comments:

  1. HGTV is dangerous.

    And I think your backsplash looks great.

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  2. The dark subway tile looks nice...even though you missed some spots.

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  3. Looks great Alan!

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  4. Subway tiles, chocolate color subway tiles. Not brick. It looks much better in person.

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  5. This comment has been removed by the author.

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