Thursday, October 30, 2014

Dye Hard

Nothing happening around here today, so I'll tell you a story from a few years ago. Believe it or not, I used to color my hair. When it first started going gray I panicked. I ran down to the drug store and bought some of that stuff that they said was "Just for Men". Didn't want any of that foo, foo, women's coloring crap. I needed the manly hair dye. It worked, sort of. I did notice that a few of my gray hairs showed through, but for the most part it worked fine. After a few years of coloring my hair I decided to stop. The results were disheartening, I looked old. So after the next haircut, I ran back down to the drug store and bought some more hair dye. This time I decided that I would try something different, something that wasn't 'Just for Men'. That evening I stood in front of the mirror in the bathroom, read the instructions, and poured that crap all over my beloved hair. I had to wait  for a set amount of time before I rinsed it out, so I sat on the toilet and read a magazine. After the allotted time I jumped into the shower and proceeded to rinse that crap right out of my hair. When the water pouring down the drain stopped flowing dark brown I got out of the shower and dried myself off. While I patted myself down with a towel, I noticed that not all of the hair dye had rinsed off of my skin. Hair dye had dribbled down my forehead, my temples, and the back of my neck. I took the wash cloth and tried to scrub the coloring off. No  matter how hard I scrubbed, it wouldn't come off. I tried every possible remedy, but nothing was working, so I went for the nuclear option. Comet Cleanser. I took a can of Comet Cleanser, shook out an amount into the wash cloth, and started scrubbing my forehead, temples, and neck. It hurt like hell, but it got the brown out. In fact it turned my skin a sickly sort of white for the next few days. I guess the point of this story is, if you plan on coloring your hair, have a professional do it. Either that, or plan on learning the intricacies of anal bleaching. Yes, I could do that now. I have experience bleaching human flesh.


  1. Not that I'm going to, but how long do you leave the Comet on the "desired area" being bleached? Also does it remove Hemorrhoids or just change their color?

  2. Just scrub the brown away Hostess, no need to leave it on longer than necessary. As for hemorrhoids, I think Drano will take care of that problem.