Winning!

I just came back from the grocery store and I now have less money than when I left the house. This is in spite of having a winning lottery ticket. You see even though I buy the damn things once in awhile, I know they are a sucker's bet. It was last Saturday that I bought the lottery tickets, and today I went to cash in my winnings at the grocery store. I pulled out my winning ticket and sauntered up to the customer service counter. There was already an old woman at the counter ahead of me so I shoved the ticket back into my pocket and waited my turn. Let me say something here, and that is that the lotto counter at the grocery store is not a damn casino! Please do not make going to buy lottery tickets an evening out. The cashier had about twenty lotto tickets spread out before him, they all belonged to the old lady, and they were all losers.

"I'm sorry ma'am, none of these won."

"Oh well, Let's try again. Give me twenty more for tonight, twenty Fantasy Five tickets, twenty Mega Millions, twenty Power ball, twenty Lucky Money, twenty Play Four, and twenty Cash Three... Oh, and on the Play Four box five, straight/box another five, and....   "

All I wanted was to cash in my pathetic little winning Fantasy Five ticket, not watch Grandma the Greek waste away her grandchildren's college fund. Here is a fact. Despite your prayers, wishing upon a star, and fondling a dead rabbit's foot, you are not going to win the lotto. You are not going to come into millions of easy dollars, and despite your deepest conviction that you are going to win, you are not. I don't care how many times you vote republican, you are not rich, and you aren't going to be rich. At least not from the lottery.

So I stood there fuming and just when I figured she was done, the old lady started with the scratch off tickets. It was just like when I was a kid and I was buying candy at Rudy's candy store.

"I'll have one of those, and ten of the Fiesta tickets...  " and on, and on she went. I think Florida has about a hundred different scratch off tickets and she wanted them all. Finally, it was my turn to cash in my winning ticket. So what was the big pay out that I won after ten minutes of waiting behind the old lady? I won a free Fantasy Five ticket for the next drawing. Like I said, you will never win the lottery. You will only be teased.