We have a water cooler in the little hall in our bedroom that leads to the bathroom. Every night I pass by that water cooler on my way to take a leak in the middle of the night. On the way back to bed in the dark, I usually stop for a quick gulp of cold water. I take the tumbler that I keep on top of the cooler and fill it with a couple of ounces of water and I then drink it up. Every time, every single time as I put that glass to my lips and tip it back, a horrible thought goes through my mind. What if there is one of those giant cockroaches in that glass? I never think about it before I take the drink, or any other time of day. Only at the instant that I've reached the point of no return and the water is rushing towards my lips does it occur to me. Of course there never is a giant cockroach in the glass, but that's no comfort because I know that one of these times it will be there.
Later this month Mark and I are going to Atlanta to attend a Mark family reunion. Once again, I'll be the lone lily in a field of red roses. I have no problem with that. Mark's family is wonderful, I've always felt welcome. My problem is that we have to fly to Atlanta. I not only hate flying, I fear flying. Each and every time I board a plane I have to convince myself that I will die some day, so why not today. I use all kinds of mental ruses to get by the fear. Sometimes I tell myself that it's just a big bus that's being driven down a very bumpy road, albeit a bus that flies. But my best defense against the fear is sleep. For some reason I can fall asleep before the plane even lifts off the ground. I've missed the drink cart going by more than once because of that.
So as of last week any two people in the United States who are of age, can be a party to a government sanctioned contract called marriage. Wooo hoooo... let's all get drunk! My problem is that I don't want to get married. I don't want any part of that contract. For the last forty seven years that I have been old enough to get married, I have been able to avoid it. I've had four people who I've formed partnerships of affection with. We've lived together, shared many things, even owned property together, but we were never married. All I can say is that the divorces were easy. Very easy, except for the time one of my partners and I actually got into a physical brawl. At least it was quick, kind of a gay quickie divorce. I don't see that happening this time. I think number four and I will be together until death do us part. I know that because I would be scared to death to even bring the subject of divorce up in this house. You have no idea just how scary a skinny black man from New Jersey can be.