Wednesday, August 5, 2015

Alan Makes a Chocolate Malt

I love chocolate malts. Baskin Robbins used to make a very good malt for a reasonable price before they merged with Dunkin Donuts. Now all the Baskin Robbins ice cream is sold in Dunkin Donut shops, and if you ask for a chocolate malt it's as if you're speaking a different language. Which you usually are. Now if I want to get a chocolate malt I have to go to one of those snooty ice cream specialty stores that seem to think a malt is some kind of exotic concoction that demands an equally exotic price. Mark is acutely aware of my love of chocolate malts. He often stocks the kitchen with all the ingredients I would need to whip up a very decent malt, which dovetails nicely with his plans to keep me fat so nobody else will ever look at me. 

Monday night Mark left me all alone with just the dogs and some vanilla ice cream, chocolate syrup, and powdered malt (The malt must be powdered and not that liquid crap). From inside the freezer the ice cream beckoned like Homer's Sirens. My will was crushed. So I pulled the blender out from under the counter and loaded it with vanilla ice cream, milk, chocolate syrup, and the powdered malt. Enough to serve at least two, maybe three people. When I flipped the switch, the blender burst into action with a loud whir. Seconds after that, a very startled creature leaped out from under the blender, bounced off of my leg, and skittered across the floor and out of sight. I have no idea what it was, it moved so fast that it was all a blur. All I know is that it was about two inches long, dark colored with a long tail, and it had claws. I know it had claws because I could feel them on my leg when it bounced off of me. I stood there for a moment after screaming like a five year old girl, wondering what the hell to do. Where did it go, what was it, how would I catch it? Slowly the realization came to me that I still had a gigantic chocolate malt sitting on the counter, and all worry of what the hell that beast was melted away. Just like the malt that would soon be in my tummy. So somewhere in this house is a four legged, two inch long thing, with a long tail and claws. I can't wait until Mark finds it.

1 comment:

  1. That is an incredible looking chocolate malt! I love icecream. When the mother ship lands and we all start getting rounded up for slave camps or extinction by four legged (2 meter) long things with a long tail and claws I'll be slurping a chocolate malt with you. Mark will sound the alarm.