Friday, August 28, 2015

Erika Bad Do; UPDATE

Addendum, Saturday Morning, August 29th; I must have inadvertently prayed to the baby Jesus. How else can I explain that this morning Erika went away. She just evaporated, Pfhttt, gone. Now just a big X where there used to be the hurricane swirl on the map. Too late though for our yard sale. I had already cancelled that. So anyway, thank you baby Jesus and any other demigods I might have accidentally pleased.

It's amazing that we were able to go ten years without a hurricane around here. No crazed people, scared to death by the non-stop barrage of media telling them to stock up, running around the supermarket, grabbing every bottle of water and can of tuna from the shelves. No parade of cars with plywood strapped to the roof. None of that for ten years. Well all that calm has been shattered. Now we have Erika on the way. I am sitting here in our house, up to my ass in U-Haul boxes, with most of our stuff packed away, and now I have to worry about a storm. In just over thirty days I have to hand this place over to the buyers in the exact condition it was in the day they walked through here. On top of that I have to deal with Mark.
"You need to go to the store and buy water."
"Why? We have that giant water cooler. Two and a half gallons of water in that thing, why do I need more?"
Mark let's out an exasperated sigh.
"Okay, fine. When we are totally out of water... well just fine."
At least in the Midwest tornados hit unexpectedly and I won't have to put up with the five days of bullshit before the storm hits.
"And another thing. I don't know why you cancelled the flood insurance. You could have kept it until we moved out of this place."
And on and on it goes. I'm being nagged by the television news  people, and barraged with insults by Mark who actually listens to the television. He's scared. I am not. As much as I hate hurricanes, I know that this house has sat here for fifty five years. It's been through numerous hurricanes and has come through unscathed. Never been flooded, never even has had a window broken by a hurricane. My only fear, the only thing that will bother me, is a loss of power. It would mean no air conditioning, no television, and no computer.
"Oh, and we need batteries and candles." Mark shouts in one last outburst.
So if after this weekend, you don't hear from me for a while. Don't worry. I'm sure we'll be doing okay. If sweating my ass off and living in darkness can be considered doing okay.


  1. I've been watching the weather for you, Alan. Willing all storms out of your way. Even my girlfriend asks how your move is going. You gotta hurry though. I looked outside and the Dogwood tree is starting to turn. Fall is moving in fast and you've got a lot of outer clothing to buy once you get to Chicago. Please tell Mark I want him to get a nice faux fur coat. I think he'd look fabulous.

    1. I plan to wrap Mark in bubble wrap left over from the move.