Monday, January 30, 2017

Good Grooming

I had a terrible sneezing fit Saturday. It was like that scene in 'It's a Wonderful Life', where the bartender keeps ringing up the cash register over and over again.
"Hey look, I'm making angels.. Kaching, kaching, kaching, kaching."
That was me, "Kachew, Kachew, Kachew... " Except I like to curse as I sneeze, so it doesn't actually sound like that. Cursing while sneezing adds some entertainment value. Anyway, I took all the allergy medications in the house, and even had my friend Dennis come over with some kind of pill. Nothing worked. I continued to have fits of sneezing, spewing snot and germ laden spray everywhere. This went on for over twenty four hours before it dawned on me. I had forgotten about the nose hairs. When my nose hairs get out of hand, when the inside of my nose looks like an overgrown forest, that's when I start sneezing. The nose hairs do two things. They catch whatever dust and dander is floating in the air, and when they get super long, they tickle the other side of my nostril. So I got out the grooming paraphernalia and started whacking away. First I go in there with a small pair of scissors to chop down the giant hairs, which are the redwoods of the nostril. After getting the largest offenders, I take my motorized nose hair clippers and go to town. I get that thing up there as far as possible and cut those things down to a nub. There is something satisfying when you hear the clickty click of the hairs getting chopped down. which reminds me, I have some other grooming to do. I have a different clipper for that.

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