Friday, July 7, 2017


A few months ago Mark and I were cruising through the garden department at Home Depot. We were planning our garden and Mark grabbed two cucumber plants and placed them in the cart. Yes, that's how we plan our garden. By walking through Home Depot and grabbing whatever Mark thinks would be good. Anyway, I rolled up to the cashier and paid for all the stuff in the cart, loaded it up in the car, and took it home. When the weather was right I dug two little holes in the garden and planted the cucumbers. Every day after that, if it didn't rain, I watered those cucumbers. I weeded the area around them. I fought off the morning glories that competed with them. I was the protector of those cucumber plants, and they showed their gratitude by growing into immense green beasts. Now it is July sixth, the weather is very warm, and the sun has done its job. I looked into the garden and there they were, three fully developed cucumbers. I  pushed the leaves aside and saw that there were even more. They were still small, but they were growing. So I grabbed a pair of scissors and cut the three mature cucumbers from the plants and carried them into the house. I laid them on the counter, all proud like a new father, and called Mark into the kitchen.
"Look, look what I just got out of the garden."
Mark looked at those cucumbers and a big smile grew across his face.
"Oh my god, those came out of the garden?"
"Well I sure didn't pull them out of my ass." I responded.
"I can't believe it. I actually grew cucumbers!" Mark said, all happy and proud.

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