A Beat Off

I was on my way out to the suburbs to see Mom in the hospital on Tuesday. As I zoomed down Lake Shore Drive, I suddenly could feel a flutter in my chest and a bit of light headedness. So I slowed down to sixty miles per hour. A few moments later it happened again and this time it did not go away. All I could think about was having a heart attack and driving off into Lake Michigan. So I slowed down a little bit more. That feeling of something fluttering around in my chest continued all day long. I considered walking down to the ER at the hospital my mom was in, but quickly pushed that out of my mind and drove back into the city. Wednesday morning I still had the feeling in my chest. Normally, when I lived in Florida, I would call my doctor and he would tell me to come right over. So I called my doctor here in Chicago. I got a automated machine that kept asking me questions. Finally I was connected with a human who asked me more questions.

"All I want is to see if I could get in to see the doctor today?"

"Sure, let me see what I can do....   Ummm, no. The doctor has no open appointments this week. I can connect you with a nurse who will help you."

"Okay." I said, and shortly a nurse was on the phone. She asked me what the problem was and then told me that she would have to turn me over to a triage nurse. After ten minutes of answering more questions, the triage nurse asked me if I wanted her to call 911 or was I feeling well enough to call them myself.

"No! No 911, no ambulances, no lights and sirens outside my house. All I want to do is go to the doctor."

"Sir, from what you have told me, you need to go to the emergency room right away."

"But I don't want to go to the emergency room." I said, nearly sobbing. "I just want to go to the doctor's office."

Well, the triage nurse convinced me that I needed to go to the ER immediately. Which I did. I had my friend Dennis drive me there and on the way my nurse sister called me and told me to make sure I tell them that I was having chest pains.

"That way they'll rush you right in there ahead of everybody else."

So I did, and they did. Still, it took five hours of poking, sticking, prodding, and waiting around. I was wired up like my old component stereo system. During the course of the day I saw five doctors. At least a couple of them were very young and cute, which made things a little bit more palatable. What I was told by the doctors was that I had an irregular heartbeat, that it was a beat off. It was explained that this was in the upper chambers and not much to worry about. They called it 'palpitations' which I thought only happened to antebellum ladies of the South along with the vapors. Anyway, I was sent home but I am still wired up with a monitor attached to me. I get to wear this thing for two days. I can't take it off, I can't take a shower with it on, and as of yet I don't know how the hell I'm going to sleep with it attached to me.