All Along The Watchtower

I once lived on a hippie commune many, many years ago. One of the frequent visitors to our commune were a band of Jehovah's Witnesses, who would show up on sunny afternoons and try to get us heathens to listen to the word of Jehovah. Now if I answered the door, I would just send them away. Not so if one of the other dummies got there first. Let's face it, some of us were usually under the influence of some kind of mind altering substance, from beer to acid, and in that state of mind many of the residents would open the door and invite them in. It was a horrifying experience to come down to our large communal kitchen and find my hippy friends sitting around the table listening in rapt attention to the J. W. spiel. It was a real buzz kill.

My feelings for Jehovah Nitwitnesses knocking on my door are not the friendliest. In past years here at my house in Florida, I have had a couple of J.W. ladies come around. After telling them more than once that I wasn't interested, I finally pulled out the big gun, I told them that I was a Satan worshipper. Before I could get another word out, they scurried away, and never returned. This bought me a few years of relief, until last weekend, when I heard a tap, tap at my door. I opened it and standing there was an old man in his preacher suit, with a younger man behind him. "We'd like to talk to you about the lord Jehovah", the older guy said. This time I didn't wait, I immediately hit him with the Satan worshipper line. His response was, "Is that so?". "Yes, and I'm going to throw a satanic curse at you now.", and with a wave of my hand I sent it their way. Unlike the two ladies however, these guys just stood there and started into the spiel. I didn't know what to do, so I just closed the door and went back inside. Obviously these guys are going to be a harder nut to crack. I think the next time they show up I'll bring Chandler out with me, and give them ten seconds to get to the front gate before I let him loose. Hopefully they won't call my bluff, because the worst Chandler would do is wag his tail, and give them a lick.