Pee Dream

I can sleep almost anywhere, and on anything. As a child, I slept on many different surfaces, from my crappy little bunk-bed, to the hard ground when camping out. I even once slept on two motel luggage stands, pushed together, while on vacation with my family. I wasn't to be trusted in one of the motel beds, because all too often in the past, the places I had slept in ended up wet. It wasn't until I realized that the dreams I was having of peeing in the bathroom weren't really dreams (At least not the peeing part) that I finally stopped the bed wetting. I still have those crazy dreams of going to the bathroom, but at least I know enough to wake up and finish the dream elsewhere besides my bed. The good thing is that I almost always find the bathroom, almost. There is one case, many years ago, where I got up out of bed in the middle of the night, and for some reason opened the linen closet door and finished the dream in there. I was horrified the next day when I opened the door to get something out of that closet.

I am now a fully developed adult, and I sleep in an adult queen sized bed, on an expensive adult mattress. The only unwanted thing that finds it's way into my bed anymore are the crumbs that Mark leaves in it from eating potato chips while watching hours and hours of Bravo shows in bed. In addition to sharing the bed with Mark and his multitude of pillows, is Chandler, who can't seem to curl up like other dogs, but spreads out perpendicular to me with his legs straight out. This is all topped out by Fat Kitty, who insists on sleeping above my head, on the pillow, and occasionally giving my hair a tongue bath while I sleep. The amazing thing about this is that I can sleep like a baby almost all night on the six inches at the edge of the mattress that is left for me. At least it makes it easier to roll out of the bed when I have that crazy dream where I'm peeing in Queen Elizabeth's linen closet.