Face Plant

As a child, I was never very athletic. If you threw a baseball to me, it would be just as likely to hit me in the forehead as land in my glove. I was never the fastest runner, not even when my dad was chasing me down to mete out punishment for my latest offense. My lack of physical prowess is most evident in my bowling game. At one time, I did have a pretty decent bowling average and was welcomed on any team, but since the decline of my vision and the aging of my body, I have joined the ranks of those who are chosen last. It is just like being in junior high school again. In my attempt to return to bowling, I have had one team reject me after bowling with them for some months, and now, as my new team wallows in last place I can feel the pressure to succeed or get the hell out of there. It's a little disappointing.

I have been disappointed before with my lack of athleticism. Back in the seventies, I attempted to master the art of skateboarding. I was in my early twenties and still feeling the invulnerability of youth, so I went out and bought a nice little red skateboard. After some time learning the basics of it, and feeling secure in my abilities, I started to actually skateboard in public. I would carry the thing with me in my car, and if I saw a small hill or incline, I would stop and give it a try. Unfortunately I got cocky, and one day I spied a steeply inclined, paved path, that wound its way down to the banks of a river. While I flew down that path picking up speed, the realization that I wasn't of a sufficient skill level for what I was doing suddenly flashed through my mind. As my confidence waned, the board started to wobble, and at some point the board and I parted ways. I hit the pavement at around thirty miles per hour, face first, and skidded along leaving shreds of skin from my legs and hip imbedded in the tarmac behind me.

That evening I turned my skateboard over to my youngest sister, and the long descent into a sedentary lifestyle for me began. As for my bowling, I think I'll just have to find another, less stressful bowling league. I hear they have a bartender’s league on Monday afternoons. That sounds about right.