In just a couple of months I have a momentous birthday coming. It seems like just yesterday I thought people who were thirty were so damn old, and now as I race towards twice that age, I'd sell my soul to be thirty again. The problem with growing old is that things on your body start breaking faster than you can get the last bad part fixed. Last week my doctor informed me that some of my man parts were broken, and they weren't producing enough testosterone. What? I still feel masculine, I still like football, I spit a lot and scratch myself. How much more manly do I need to be? The doctor explained that it might be why I developed man-boobs, and have very low energy levels, hell I might as well blame my bad bowling on it also. He told me that if I wanted to rectify the problem, he would give me a prescription. So now, every morning I have to smear a disgusting, sticky, gooey, nasty smelling, gel all over my shoulders and arms. The doctor says it contains testosterone, and it will soak right in through my skin, restoring my manhood. I'll give it a try for a month, and see what happens. Hopefully I won't grow hair on my shoulders, and go into 'roid rages like Lou Ferrigno. Though it would be nice if I could get my manzier down to a B cup.
I could have gone without the boob picture. If I wanted to see those disgusting things I would look in the mirror. Don't worry, sixty is just fine...it's the new 40.
ReplyDeletereally Alan. He said rub this on your shoulders and the boobs will go away?
ReplyDeleteYes Gary, it's the smell of the stuff. Drives not just people who are boobs, but everyone away.
ReplyDeleteThis is bait and switch, Alan. I demand a pic of girl's boobs.
ReplyDeleteare u sure that isnt dennis' chest...
ReplyDeleteNo, mine are much perkier.
ReplyDeleteUmmm, now that you have boobs, Alan, you must start the monthly breast exam as even men get breast cancer. October is Breast Cancer Awareness Month, so wear pink!!!!
ReplyDeleteI give my brother endless grief over his moobs. He claims I am just jealous, since his are bigger than mine (perhaps true; perhaps not -- I'm a perky B/C as always).
ReplyDeleteI just look at him and laugh, suggesting that my gf is better hung (thank you Toys in Babeland) and doesn't need viagra ...
... this prompts laughs, and another round of drinks.
The joys of aging, eh?
Al, skip the bull urine and try some exercises for your chest and upper body. You can also cut down on the hand to mouth feedings and cut out the adult beverages. You'll be amazed at the difference in a few months. You may be retired, but not retarded. Think about it.
ReplyDeleteAlan's complacence is in the way. But I guess after all the years of hard work he deserves it. Yes, he has a new challenge and he does have hopes and dreams. He needs support from his friends and life companion. Mark may have Alan's best interests at heart and may believe food is a way keep our Alan happy, but he needs to listen to Alan and work on "portion control and a healthier lifestyle.
ReplyDeleteOur Alan needs a new lease on life. He is letting another be in charge. That is obviously not working for Alan's health. Only Alan can change things. It is up to him. Is he strong or weak of mind? Can he overcome the challenges of over-indulgence and complacency? It is a struggle, and realizing the issue is the beginning of overcoming obstacles.
If Mark has a desire to cook I suggest he volunteer at PWA functions, benefit dinners, pot-luck fundraisers for different causes and charities. What Mark is capable of doing is great. I would just like to see Mark expand his talents to reach as many people as possible instead of focusing on just Alan. Alan needs also to take some responsibilty too in all this and stop complaining and just do something about his over indulgence and complacency. Enough said....I rest my case.
So Alan,how is that disgusting, sticky, gooey, nasty smelling gel working so far? No hair growing on the shoulders I hope!You do plan on updating us if it's working or not, right?
ReplyDeleteAlan please tell me that those are in fact not your boobs :D
ReplyDeleteAl, talk to your doctor and ask if you could have a testosterone implant. I understand that implants are available.Otherwise just have implants and finish the job.
ReplyDeleteSorry to say......
ReplyDelete