Is That Al Bundy?

My favorite new comedy show on television is Modern Family. It has the guy from Married With Children, and a bunch of other people who I don't know. Often when I watch TV I don't know the actors, and many times I don't even know the characters names. It’s kind of the way my real life is.

Modern Family follows the three branches of a family, and includes a gay son, his husband, and their gayby. Once again because of this show, Mark has been reminded that he would like a baby. Thankfully the State of Florida has saved my ass by making it impossible for us to adopt. I know it’s not fair to the rest of the gay folks out there who would make great parents, but I’m just a bit selfish on this subject. Besides, seeing as how Mark does not walk the dog, clean up his poop or puke, doesn’t feed him, or the cats, nor does he clean out the kitty litter box, and vomits at the sight of a cat-hair ball on the floor, I know with certainty that a baby would mean I would do all the dirty work. If Mark can’t hold his stomach down when he gets a whiff of dog crap, I think his head would pop off if he had to deal with baby shit. Having grown up in a house where I lived through eight babies, I know that what’s in a baby's diaper can peel the paint off the wall, and burn right through the mucus membranes of your nose.

If Mark wants a baby so badly he should see my sister in-law. She has a doll store, and I’m sure that even though it’s in Florida, Mark would be allowed to adopt one. I would have only one rule if he did adopt a baby doll, and that is that he’d have to keep it out in the shed. Right where I’d make him keep the real baby if he could actually get one.