If There's a Noodle on The Television Remote, We're Having Spaghetti Tonight.

Nothing good comes out of a clean kitchen. Now don't get me wrong, the kitchen needs to be clean when you start, but if when you are done baking that bread, cooking that dinner, or even just making a late night snack, and there isn't crud and mess everywhere, then what you just made must taste like shit. That is the lesson I have taken from thirteen years with Mark.

Up until I got together with Mark, I was responsible for keeping myself alive. It was up to me to make sure that I ingested enough food to keep myself from wasting away, and it wasn't easy. Most of what I cooked for myself tasted bland at best, and like day old cat food at it's worst. The only up side to that, is that it kept me thin. What I do know is that my kitchen was always spotless. I could fry up some burgers, or chicken, and there would never be any splatter, crumbs, or need to wipe up any sauce drippings when I was done. Then I met Mark. Within days of Mark and I getting together, it was determined that I would never intrude upon the duties of making dinner. That was to be for Mark, and Mark alone. So now every evening around six-ish, I will hear the banging of pots and pans in the kitchen. Mark is making my dinner.

There is no argument that Mark is the best cook I have ever known, and I'm lucky to have him. He and I have an agreement. He cooks, and I clean up. So when dinner is over, I make my way into the kitchen and start the chore of cleaning up after Mark. To put it mildly, he is a slob when he cooks. He cannot toast an English muffin without leaving crumbs spread across the counter from end to end, with butter smeared on the cabinet fronts, and jam somehow stuck to the ceiling. When I clean up after dinner, I have to be thorough. I check for food on the walls, and sauce encrusted gadgets that he has hidden all around the kitchen. After loading the dishwasher, and scrubbing mystery goo off the door knobs, I finish the job off by scraping and mopping the floors. All of this can take me from thirty minutes to over an hour depending on the complexity of the dinner, but I have a plan. I don't know if it is feasible, but if we ever remodel our kitchen, I am going to look into making it waterproof. I will then put a drain in the middle of the floor and hang a garden hose on a wall rack.