The Vuvuzela Is Not Part Of The Female Anatomy

I am perplexed. I have just sat here for almost two hours watching the most popular sport in the world, and I feel as if I just opened a birthday present only to find the box empty. The World Cup. It has been hyped no less than the Super Bowl, and over and over again we have been told how provincial we are for not jumping on the band wagon. Well, Saturday afternoon I jumped on the band wagon. For ninety minutes I watched a bunch of guys in shorts running up and down a huge green field, kicking and head butting a ball back and forth. Apparently during that ninety minutes, two goals were scored, but I didn't see those. I'm pretty sure I nodded off for a while. After ninety minutes the game didn't stop but kept going for a few minutes past that time, and then without any fanfare, the game just stopped. It was over, ending in a one, one, tie. This is the worlds most popular game? This causes people to go crazy, and riot? I think that maybe they're just pissed because nothing happened.

There is excitement at soccer games. Unfortunately it's not on the field, but among the fans in the stadium. I have never in my life seen so much face painting, and costuming for a sporting event. While the athletes down on the field were kicking the ball around, and running back and forth accomplishing nothing, up in the stands a huge drunken party broke out. One of the things adding to the fan excitement was a plastic horn called the vuvuzela. Thousands of people were blowing on their vuvuzelas making it sound like a swarm of gigantic bees had invaded the stadium. While some people don't appreciate the vuvuzelas, I kind of liked it. It had an effect like electronic background noise. It was almost soothing. In fact it puts soccer right up there with baseball as my most favored afternoon nap inducer.