It's My Party

Is it wrong to pick up a piece of candy from behind the sofa, and eat it? It was a Hershey's Krackle, which I love, and it had only been there since around Easter which wasn't really that long ago. I'm sure if I had bought it off the store shelf it wouldn't have been any more sanitary. After all, germ ridden numbskulls paw over that candy all the time. The reason I was behind the sofa, was because Mark and I were preparing for another one of our fabulous parties. Actually, it wasn't 'our' party. If it was up to me, there would never, ever, be any kind of social gathering in this house. Mark is the one who loves to put these things on. It's his opportunity to cook mountains of food, and spiff up the house as if we actually lived a nice place.

Having a party is good in a way, it causes me to go through with plans to upgrade things, like rebuilding the rotten deck, and remodeling the bathroom. What I don't like is the shopping. Let's face it, Mark likes any excuse to go shopping, and a party is a license to shop. It means that soon he would be spending hundreds of dollars for food, liquor, and crap to decorate the place. The only thing worse than going shopping with Mark might possibly be that colonoscopy I had a couple of years ago. So once again I find myself at the grocery store pushing a cart, while Mark runs ahead grabbing all sorts of crap, returning long enough to pile it into the cart, and then running off again. After wandering through the store for what seemed like an eternity, I asked for the tenth time, "Are we done yet?" Mark finally said yes, so I immediately pushed an old cripple out of the way, and turned the cart into one of the available checkout lanes. It was then that Mark muttered something about olives, and took off again into the bowels of the Store. "Son of a bitch! Get back here, you said we were done!" It made no difference, he was gone. As the little conveyor belt quickly moved our party goods towards the scanner, I decided I'd just let everything get checked out and leave if he didn't make it back in time. This is something Mark does all the time. It is rude to the other customers, and pisses me off, mostly because Mark usually emerges with his booty just as I am swiping my bank card to pay for it all. I wish I could say I checked out, and drove away without him, but no. Once again he had it timed perfectly. Besides, I didn't have the keys to the car.