Sir, Have You Been Drinking?

A friend of mine just finished off his punishment for DUI. If I could give anybody a bit of advice besides don't drive if you've had too much to drink, it is don't get a lawyer! It took my friend eighteen months, and many extra thousands of dollars to go through this because he had a lawyer who loved continuances in court. I tell you this because I have another friend who went through the same thing without a lawyer, and it took one third less time, and one half the money for the exact same outcome. Let's face it, DUI convictions have become much less about keeping dangerous people off the road than making money. It is now much more about a revenue stream for the government, and the ancillary people involved, including the asshole that came out and put a boot on my car. Oops, I guess I might have given away who that second friend is. All I can say is, it wasn't me.

One of the consequences of my friend’s DUI is that for six months he had to breath cleanly into a breathalyzer before he could start his car. Now that is not just a good idea, it's a great idea that could be used on a whole lot more things than just a cars ignition system. For instance you should have to blow into a breathalyzer before you go home with someone you've met in a bar. That would prevent so many awkward, and embarrassing mornings as you gather up your clothes, and dignity, and slip quietly out the door. Another place a breathalyzer would be quite helpful, is on my computer. It could be triggered by certain functions, like when I'm about to reply to emails, or leave a comment on somebody else's blog. Proving that I am sober could prevent some embarrassing, and inappropriate dispatches that may seem hilarious at the time. One thing is for sure, I wish I had a breathalyzer on the computer the other evening when I did some drunken online shopping. It was the next morning that I noticed an influx of emails from Amazon Dot Com, all informing me that my orders had been filled, and my purchases were on the way. I do remember listening to a very old cassette tape the night before, and thinking how distorted the sound was. Apparently I decided to replace all the tapes I had of that particular artist, with brand new cd’s, and thanks to the ‘one click’ option on Amazon, I was able to do it efficiently despite my inebriated condition.

Today the first of at least three packages arrived, and I have to admit, the sound is so much better than those thirty five year old tapes. But, it got me to wondering, what would my life be like today if I had to blow into a breathalyzer the night I met Mark?