I Bought a Lotto Ticket and Lost My Shirt

On my way to bowling Tuesday night, I stopped at the Seven-Eleven store to use the ATM. I was surprised to find that there was no line at the lottery machine, so I succumbed to the lure of the Mega Million Lottery and bought one ticket. I'm no idiot, I knew that there were better things that I could have done with that two dollars. But what if... ? Well, I got one number out of the six. I have no idea where my two dollars went. Schools, politician's pockets, I don't know. I just know they now have my money.

When I got to the bowling alley I encountered a Chicago peculiarity. Overheating. In the winter Chicago businesses overheat their stores, and in the summer overcool them. The bowling alley was hot so I took off my shirt and hung it on the back of a chair. Don't worry, no man boobs hanging out. I had on a very nice tee shirt. Wednesday morning, while shaving, I thought about my shirt. The shirt that I hung over the back of the chair at the bowling alley. Son of a bitch, I loved that shirt. I called the bowling alley but nobody had turned a shirt in to lost and found. So somebody is now walking around in a very nice, red flannel, Eddie Bauer shirt. Probably a bowling alley employee.

I was going to wear that shirt to the doctor's office Wednesday afternoon. I had an afternoon appointment with the gastroenterologist. I had used one of those  home tests where you mail your poop sample off to see if you have butt cancer and it came back positive for blood in the stool. So my doctor sent me to the specialist for a colonoscopy. I have to admit, I walked in there in a sour mood. I had waited three and a half months for this appointment. What if I actually have something wrong up there? So I was already pissed that it took that long to get in to see the doctor. I walked up to the receptionist, told her my name, and she asked.

"Do you have your reference?"

Son of a bitch. No, I did not have the reference to see the butt doctor. I forgot it at home.

"Can you call your doctor's office and have them fax it over?"

Well sure I could, if I knew the doctor's phone number. I could have looked it up but I don't know how to spell his name. I know it starts with the letter 'C' followed by about twenty five other consonants and one vowel. The truth is that I simply did not want to have that colonoscope snaked up into me and I didn't want to go through the preparations the night before. So I used the excuse of not having the doctor's reference and stormed out of there in a huff. Oh, and I cursed a little as I walked to the elevator.