The Waterboy

When I was a kid, water was water. Unless the water was in the local creek. That was where our toilets flushed into in the 1950s. So, as long as you avoided drinking creek water, you were okay. Water right out of the kitchen sink tap, okay. Water from the basement laundry tub faucet, okay. Water from the garden hose outside, that was okay but it often tasted like the rubber hose it was running out of. When we lived in Florida, the city water delivered to our house from the water main out front had a yellow tint to it. For the first few months I lived in Florida I thought my roommate wasn't flushing the toilet. Then I was informed that the color of the Fort Lauderdale city water was naturally yellow. I drank it anyway.

In the summer of 1997 Mark moved in with me, bringing along some of his customs and habits. Mark did not drink water directly out of the tap. Mark insisted that we only drink bottled water. So I had to start schlepping home heavy cases of bottled water. In an effort to avoid a hernia, I installed a water filter on the kitchen sink. Not good enough. Mark still wanted bottled water. So I then got one of those office type water coolers for the house. Now I didn't have to schlep cases of water home from the supermarket. No, now it was hefting huge jugs of water that I bought at the Home Depot. My next move was a bit deceptive. I started refilling the giant water cooler jugs with water from the kitchen sink. Of course this was never done when Mark was around.

Three years ago we moved to Chicago. I did not bring the water cooler with us. So once again I have been required to haul cases of water home from the store. Ecologically unsound, little plastic water bottles wrapped in plastic. I pointed out to Mark that we had a gigantic water source just a couple of miles from our house, and the city delivers it right to the kitchen sink for a nominal sum. That did not convince him.

"I'm not drinking that filthy Lake Michigan water." He whined.

So once again I am bringing home store bought water. I only hope that Mark never notices, that case of store bought water seems to last forever.