Mom Finds the Cure

 

I was thinking about Mom last evening. I am really hoping that after I get my second vaccination, I can visit her in person instead of in the big plastic box. I know she wants to see us and hug us too. Anyway, I started thinking about all the crazy shit I put her through during the last seventy one years. Seriously, I'm sure there were times she wanted to drop me off in the woods. I don't think I was too bad at first. Yes, as a little baby I pissed myself and pooped my pants. Mom was ready for that. However, as the years wore on it got to be a problem for her. After all, by the time I was eleven years old I wasn't just waking up in a damp bed. It was more like somebody had emptied a bucket of water on me. I still remember the very last time I ever peed in my bed. The next morning Mom went bat shit on me and dragged all my wet bedding outside into the backyard while yelling at me the entire time. It just so happened that there was a gaggle of neighborhood kids out there when she did that. I was horribly embarrassed and I never wet the bed again. Not even later in life when I would come home blackout drunk. I'm sure if Mom had known that would work, she would have thrown the bedding from my crib out there the first year.

Mom put up with a lot of crazy shit from me. She often threatened to send me to the public school if I ever flunked. I actually wanted that, so I spent the entire seventh grade at Saint George Catholic School being a clown. I got to go to public school the next year where I got into trouble just the same. 

You'd never know I was a difficult kid from how Mom treats me now. I might possibly be one of her favorites out of the eleven children she had. It seems that the worse you were, the more she likes you now. Poor Peggy, she was such a good little girl.