Thursday, November 29, 2007

Driving Miss Crazy

Alan: "Let’s take the expressway home."
Mark: "Okay."

Mark: "Do I turn left here?"
Alan: "No, do you see an expressway here?"

One mile later at the expressway.
Alan: "Turn left here."
Mark continues going straight.

Alan: "left, left, left, left, Turn left here!"
Mark: "Stop screaming at me."
That exchange happened yesterday while I was being driven around by the worst driver in the world, Mark. I do admit I might get a little sarcastic, but Mark brings that out in me. Yesterday Mark talked me into shopping at Sawgrass Mills, a super, duper, mall built ten miles out west, next to the everglades. Sawgrass Mills was built some years ago on what was once considered cheap, worthless swampland. This was before the politicians figured out that if you cram almost five and a half million people into an area, you had better protect the source of their drinking water, which is under that swampland.

Water is the last thing Mark was thinking of as he headed into the mall. He, as much as anybody, has taken George Bush’s encouragement to "go shopping more", to heart. As always when shopping with Mark, I forewarned him not to wear my feet out traipsing in and out of stores that we don’t need to go into. I have asked him in the past if he would just get one of those carts, with the chair on the front of it, and push me around the mall. That way he could shop even longer because I wouldn’t be worn out from walking. His reply is, "Wouldn’t you be embarrassed having your fat ass pushed around by a skinny little black man?" No....and I think I’d also like a beverage while I ride.

My tolerance for shopping is low. I get what I need, at the store that I know has it, and get the hell out. Mark has to look everything over, he needs to ‘compare’ things, he has to make sure he’s getting the absolute best price. It can take him thirty minutes to pick out a piece of crap that will soon end up as more clutter in our house. No matter how many times I tell him we don’t need something, he will still find an excuse to buy it.
So now after today’s trip to the mall, we have another set of dishes. that makes four sets of dishes that we only ever use one of. Also, Mark bought another watch to add to his collection of watches that he never wears. I think he bought some other things, but after an hour and a half, I went out and sat in the car and listened to some music until he was done. Sitting in the car was okay, but it is irritating, every two minutes, to have people drive up, honk, and ask "Are you leaving?". I had the keys, I could have.


  1. Hi Russell, hope you had a nice Thanksgiving.

  2. Hi Dennis. Finding all the good water holes in that desert out there?

  3. I don't blame you. I have gone shopping with people who love to shop. It seems to go on forever sometimes. I prefer to go when I have a specific thing in mind. At least I am searching for a particular thing instead of looking endlessly at everything. I am glad Mark is a comparative shopper, but maybe he could do that online first. he would save a lot of time.

  4. I've shopped with Alan before. he is no nonsense, wham, bam, cash or credit, thank you mam kinda shopper. hehe