Hissy Fit

The iguana is pissed at me. I had it’s bathroom facilities removed today. If you read my earlier blog about the trees hanging over my pool and the iguana taking a crap directly into the pool from the tree it lived in, this would make sense.

I can handle a lizard being pissed at me, or even a human being calling me names, but when Mark is pissed it is not pretty. His outburst today reminded me of our plane trip from Italy a couple of years ago. I don’t know how it happened but we got seated in the back row, center, on a DC10. When we got on the plane we were allowed to choose a meal from the menu, pasta or chicken. Later in the flight the attendants brought us our meals directly, no need to ask which meal to bring. When they got to us, the flight attendant told me, "I’m sorry, we’re out of chicken". I, being the stoic I am, said fine and took my meal of pasta. In my left ear I heard a hissing sound that kept getting louder and louder until it became a shrieking noise like that of a room full of male cats being neutered without anesthesia. It was Mark and the noise I was hearing was actually him vocalizing his complaint. I finally could make out what he was saying, "I WANT MY CHICKEN, I WANT MY CHICKEN. WHERE IS YOUR SUPERVISOR? I WANT MY CHICKEN". He went on and on for quite a while, calling the woman names and accusing her of hiding a meal in the galley for her dinner later. Meanwhile my migraine headache bloomed into a full throb with nausea. I couldn’t even eat my pasta. Finally the attendant disappeared into the galley and returned with a chicken dinner for Mark. I guess Mark was right, she was hoarding one for herself. So Mark got chicken with spit in it and I spent the rest of the flight, nine hours, pretending not to know the nut next to me.

Mark’s outburst today was caused by the tree trimmers cutting back the trees hanging over my house and pool. They were up on the roof with saws, cutting branches and throwing them down into the yard, Mark was in the house still in bed. I assumed they knew what they were doing, but Mark yelled out to me, "MAKE SURE THEY DON’T BREAK ANYTHING IN THE GARDEN!". I dutifully went out and yelled up to them to not drop stuff into the garden, then I went back into the house.

No sooner did I shut the door when I heard the crash, it was the ‘gazing ball’ in the center of the garden. They dropped a branch directly on it. Mark jumped up and started to hiss, and vibrate. "I TOLD YOU NOT TO LET THEM BREAK ANYTHING OUT THERE" he screamed at me. Mark is funny when he gets mad, he jumps around like an excited marionette. What isn’t funny is that he knows exactly what buttons to push to get me crazy, and this morning he pushed every one.

So after all the screaming and yelling and talking to the tree trimmers I got them to trim some other trees in the yard for free. I asked Mark, exactly how much did that glass ball cost? "Twenty dollars", he replied. Twenty dollars? I had to go through one of his insane hissy fits for a twenty dollar piece of crap? Oh well, I’ll just sit back and think of all the times Mark has had his dinner served with spit.