I have only gone golfing once in my entire life not counting miniature golf. It was about fifteen years ago and I went with my dad and my brother Dave. The golf course was a small private course out in the country north of Orlando. The funny thing about it was that it is owned by the Baptist church and most of the golfers are little old Baptist ladies and gentlemen. So I’m not sure how a couple of Catholics and a fallen away heathen Catholic like me managed to find our way onto that course. If there ever was a chance that I would enjoy and take up golfing my dad killed it that day.
My dad was a know-it-all, which explains a lot about me, and from the first hole to the last he criticized every move I made. He also had no qualms about cursing in public even though my brother had warned him not to swear while we were on that ‘Baptist’ golf course. Every time my dad hit the ball into the rough or a trap you could hear the ‘god-damns’ and ‘shits’ fly to the chagrin of the little old ladies we had let play through.
Bowling, now there’s a nice democratic sport. You bowl, and get an average, and if your average isn't very good they give you extra points called a handicap so you have a chance to win even if you suck. I often suck at bowling yet I still enjoy it, mostly because I sip on a vodka drink during each game. We bowl three games every league night so I sip three vodka drinks. This makes the last game the most exciting and the most fun. The other good thing about bowling is that it isn’t very strenuous, there’s no walking or running. You just go up there when it’s your turn, stick your fingers into the ball, take a couple of steps, and roll the ball towards the pins without it rolling off into the gutter. If you manage to get all of the pins down everyone cheers and congratulates you.
So all that being said, last night Russell our best bowler, managed to injure himself on his first ball. I really thought he would have to stop and take the night off because he put on a drama like when a major league ball player gets beaned by a pitch. However after being treated with some aspirin and a double rum and cola he seemed quite fine. I mean really, how hard can it be to bowl injured. I’ve seen people in wheel chairs do it.
Russell offers his ball up to the bowling god.
I don't hate sports. I just don't understand most of them. My father's idea of sports was either deer hunting, putting away as many beers as humanly possible in a day or better yet a combination of both.
ReplyDeleteExcept for gym class in school, I didn't have anyone to introduce me to any sports. Since the other boys all seemed to know the games (and teased me for not knowing) I avoided them at all cost. Thus began my decent into group sports ignorance.
My introduction to bowling began when I was 11 or 12. My parents signed me and my brother up for a kids bowling league. Big Chief Bowling League. It wasn't until many years later that I realized it was only a way to get us out of the house one night of the week so they could do more "adult things". I suppose it was better than a baby sitter.
Thanks for your concern over my injury. I am still feeling as if my acetabulofemoral joint is bruised or out of alignment. Too bad I can't do double shots of rum at work.
Perhaps the people you've seen bowling in wheelchairs didn't have an acetabulofemoral joint. Or, they damaged it from bowling and that was how they ended up in one.
ReplyDeleteAcetabulofemoral joint....what? If you'd like I have another kind of joint that might help you forget the pain. I'll roll one up for you.
ReplyDeleteit's for your glaucoma...right? likely story.
ReplyDeleteAgain. Thanks for your concern. Can you make me brownies instead?
ReplyDeleteLaura said...
ReplyDeleteit's for your glaucoma...right? likely story.
Pressure relief.
I believe you use it for the glaucoma. But, not only the glaucoma. Perhaps you also use it for the Markophia.
ReplyDeleteim with ya russell. i hate sports too. i think there are a lot more of us out there but they just wont admit
ReplyDeletei would always tell people that i would rather play sports then watch it. That usually shuts them up real fast.
ReplyDeleteGoing out to a bar with Russell is a sport. You have your hits, your runs, and your errors. hehe Right Russ?
ReplyDeleteI was bowling tonite and the college kids were doing "extreme bowling"! This is a new type of bowling being reinvented. It was fun and amazing to watch.
ReplyDeletePart of "Extreme Bowling" is to run and bodybellyslide with your ball in front of you then releasing the ball. I tried it and got a strike! It is weird but is gives you a better perspective and even better aim. It looks rediculous and is funny to watch but, hey, why take bowling seriously. YOU ARE THERE WITH YOUR FRIENDS TO HAVE FUN.
ReplyDelete