I have only gone golfing once in my entire life not counting miniature golf. It was about fifteen years ago and I went with my dad and my brother Dave. The golf course was a small private course out in the country north of Orlando. The funny thing about it was that it is owned by the Baptist church and most of the golfers are little old Baptist ladies and gentlemen. So I’m not sure how a couple of Catholics and a fallen away heathen Catholic like me managed to find our way onto that course. If there ever was a chance that I would enjoy and take up golfing my dad killed it that day.
My dad was a know-it-all, which explains a lot about me, and from the first hole to the last he criticized every move I made. He also had no qualms about cursing in public even though my brother had warned him not to swear while we were on that ‘Baptist’ golf course. Every time my dad hit the ball into the rough or a trap you could hear the ‘god-damns’ and ‘shits’ fly to the chagrin of the little old ladies we had let play through.
Bowling, now there’s a nice democratic sport. You bowl, and get an average, and if your average isn't very good they give you extra points called a handicap so you have a chance to win even if you suck. I often suck at bowling yet I still enjoy it, mostly because I sip on a vodka drink during each game. We bowl three games every league night so I sip three vodka drinks. This makes the last game the most exciting and the most fun. The other good thing about bowling is that it isn’t very strenuous, there’s no walking or running. You just go up there when it’s your turn, stick your fingers into the ball, take a couple of steps, and roll the ball towards the pins without it rolling off into the gutter. If you manage to get all of the pins down everyone cheers and congratulates you.
So all that being said, last night Russell our best bowler, managed to injure himself on his first ball. I really thought he would have to stop and take the night off because he put on a drama like when a major league ball player gets beaned by a pitch. However after being treated with some aspirin and a double rum and cola he seemed quite fine. I mean really, how hard can it be to bowl injured. I’ve seen people in wheel chairs do it.
Russell offers his ball up to the bowling god.