Thursday, May 1, 2008

House of Filth

Once again I found myself sitting in front of the television with Doctor Phil involuntarily thrust upon me because I dropped my guard and let Mark get control of the remote. His show was about some woman who hoarded things, all sorts of things. She had eleven refrigerators full of rotting food, mounds of boxes and bags, there were plastic containers scattered everywhere. It was so bad, that her children only had a small space on the living room sofa for sleeping. I agree that the woman was mentally ill, but I don't think that the 'Hillbilly Shrink', Doctor Phil, is necessarily the guy to straighten her out.

I of course, took this opportunity to drive home the point to Mark, that he isn't really so far away from her condition. For instance, Mark has at least two hundred cook books ranging from gourmet, to backyard grilling, to recreating fast food in your own home. He also collects gadgets for the kitchen whose purpose I often haven't a clue. If I look deep enough in his gadget drawer, I can find five different ways to open a bottle of wine. Other times I can go through five different can openers before I find one that is simple enough for me to successfully operate. Every single shelf and counter in the kitchen is crammed with crap and bric-a-brac of all kinds.

Now I know that books and gadgets aren't the same as trash piled up around the house, but to a man who is half blind (me), less is more. The less clutter, the better I can see what I'm doing, it's that simple.One place that I seem to have made some progress is Mark's mop collection. Yes, he buys a new mop every time they come up with a new gimmick. At one point we had about twenty mops out on the back porch, because Mark would use one and put it out to dry, never to be used again. Over the last few months I have been putting one a week in the garbage can. At the present time there are only three mops left, and Mark hasn't even asked what happened to the rest of them. I think we'll be relatively mop free for awhile, that is until BILLY MAYS comes up with another breakthrough in mop technology.


  1. Maybe a room addition would help you spread this crap out. I remember all those mops which were also outside what was my bedroom door. Good luck, but you'll never change the queen of shopping.

  2. Shouldn't that be the queen of mopping?

    I agree with you. Less is more. Our culture's obsession with materialism and consumerism has left us "blinded" to the to the human condition.

    How many of us have actually sat and had a glass of wine with our next door neighbors and talked about current events? How many of us have smiled at a stranger we pass on the street? (and I don't mean just hotties) How many of us create random acts of kindness such as letting an elderly person ahead of us un the grocery line or stopping to see if that cat or dog laying next to the road is still breathing? or slowing down enough in life to let the rat race go to hell and take a long drive into the countryside for no reason but to experience our own backyards?

    Yes Alan's "mop story" and his wish to declutter his life is a step in the right direction of gaining the advantage over his blinding disability. Kudos to you Alan!

    Have you thought about opening up a resale store. Mark could do what he does you could do what you like to do... get rid of stuff and make money from it too. I believe your house is in a business zone. tee-hee

    Just a thought.

  3. Garet, you don't have any next door neighbors. Unless you count the raccoons.

  4. It's not as easy as it seems it should be. Good luck on your new mission to simpilfy your life.

  5. Garet, you're polluting the atmosphere and wasting gas just to take a ride. Why not walk and get some exercise while enjoying your own back yard. And do you mind if I substitute a little Grey Goose instead of a glass of wine?


  7. By Drive I mean "ride" or however you get out of the bicycle, train, car, walk, hot air balloon, etc.

  8. Is there a Billy Mays bobble-head doll out yet?