Must Go Shopping, Must Eat Brains.

“A stampede of shoppers in a Valley Stream, New York, Wal-Mart on Friday morning left one worker dead and at least three patrons injured after an impatient crowd broke down the store doors and trampled a seasonal employee.” Five o'clock, Friday morning. Mark has awakened me, and we are on our way to a 'Door-buster' sale. I pretty much hate shopping of all kinds, and to actually set the alarm so that I can go shopping with Mark doesn't seem likely, yet here I am. I have always considered the mobs who get up the morning after Thanksgiving to go shopping before the sun has even come up, to be insane. So I must be insane. What could possibly get me to do this? How about a large screen, high definition, television for forty percent off?

A few years ago, Mark had me drop him off at the Circuit City store at three in the morning so he could be first in line to buy some electronic piece of crap that we didn't need. When we pulled into the parking lot, it was apparent that Mark would not be first in line. What appeared to be a party at a trailer park, complete with little coolers, lawn chairs, and portable televisions, was actually the line to get into Circuit City. As I pulled out of the parking lot, Mark disappeared into the crowd. Four hours later, the jangle of the telephone pulled me out of a pleasant sleep. It was Mark, "I'm ready! Come and pick me up, and bring your credit card!". When I got to the store, I walked in looking for Mark, and found myself enveloped in a wall to wall mob of zombies clutching packages and dragging boxes towards the checkout counters. Behind the mob were rows of what used to be display shelves, torn apart and stripped bare. On the floor were discarded signs, cardboard, and a few children. As I tried to get through the crowd looking for Mark, it was as if I were caught up in a giant intestine that was slowly working me through it, only to pop me out like a turd at the exit, on the other side of the store.

This year was different. Instead of trying to get our new television at the most popular store, 'Best Buy', we decided to go to Sears. For some reason people do not think of Sears as a 'Door-buster' store, and we were able to walk in at five in the morning, find a salesman immediately, buy our television, and be on our way home by five fifteen. There were no crowds, no lines, and plenty of product on the shelves. In fact it was so easy, that if I owned Sears stock, I'd sell it first thing Monday.