Monday, December 15, 2008

Next Year A Hanukkah Bush

December, the Christmas month, and the time that many people hope for peace and happiness. Over the last eleven years my dog Molly and Mark had an understanding. Molly wouldn't knock over Mark's Christmas tree, and Mark wouldn't go insane. Molly was a good girl, and she never even acknowledged the existence of the Christmas tree other than the fact it blocked her favorite window. Unfortunately, Molly isn't with us any more.

Welcome, Chandler, to Mark's land of Christmas cheer and beauty. Chandler is just eight months old and quite active, so this year I suggested that Mark not do the full sized Christmas tree. I suggested he get a table top Christmas tree that we could put out of Chandler's reach. After seeing Chandler dismantle numerous toys, shoes, and other personal items, Mark agreed, so we went out and got ourselves a small Christmas tree. After an afternoon of Mark feverishly decorating to the sound of pleasant Christmas music, the tree was all trimmed up with beautiful ornaments, and twinkling little lights. The lovely Christopher Radko ornament that was a salute to the people who died in the twin towers, was hung front and center. To my relief, all this decorating happened while I napped.

Things at the house were so peaceful. The beautiful tree, Mark in a good mood doing something in the bedroom, and Chandler and I in the kitchen. Then it happened. From the living room, the crashing sound of something hitting the floor, followed by the tinkling of thin glass shattering and skittering across the room. Marks tree had fallen off the table, pushed along by a small gust of wind blowing in through the window. I stood there in the doorway of the kitchen, looking at the disaster, wondering how I was going to escape before Mark walked in. Too late. Before Chandler and I could run for our lives, a sound from the depths of hell exploded behind us. We were stuck between the fallen tree and Mark in full rage. You would have thought Mark had just seen the real World Trade Center come crashing down, not a tree full of Christopher Radko ornaments.

Truthfully, before I met Mark I had no idea what a Christopher Radko ornament was. From what I have found on Ebay and other internet sites, about five to seven hundred dollars worth of ornaments bit the dust Friday afternoon, explaining Mark's reaction to seeing the tree spattered across the living room floor. I am very glad that both I and Chandler were not in the room when it happened, and although Mark is still a little sore about the whole episode, I know that somewhere in the back of his head a little voice is saying, "I must shop for more".


  1. i thought i heard the scream over hear on 5th terrace, my oh my

  2. It twas the week before Christmas and all through the house, not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse.

    The ornaments were hung on the Christmas tree with care,
    In hopes that Mark's decorations would add some gay flair.

    Mark was nestled all snug in his chair,
    Shopping online for more Christmas flair.
    And Chandler in his collar, and I in my sweater,
    Had just just begun cooking when I noticed the weather.

    When out from the living room there arose such a clatter,
    I sprang from the kitchen to see what was the matter.
    Away to the doorway I flew in a zoom,
    I turned the corner and peered in the room.

    The Christmas Tree had been dealt a terrible blow,
    Gave the lustre of mid-day to objects below.
    When, what to my wondering eyes should I lament,
    But a pile of branches, and several smashed ornament.

    With a shreek and a scream and a yikes and a bark,
    I knew in a moment it must be my Mark.
    More rapid than eagles his coursers they came,
    And he shrilled, and shouted, and cursed it in vain!

    "Now Carlotta! now, Chandler! now, Alan and Fat Kitty!
    "What happened in here!" Mark screamed in a ditty.
    To the top of the table! to the site on the floor!
    Now get away! Get away! Get away all!"

    The wind had come in with an unsettling squall,
    And blew Mark's tree down; ornaments and all.
    So back to his shopping did Mark go online,
    With the websites galore with "On Sale" signs.

    And then, in a twinkling, I heard what was new,
    With oooing and ahhhing and several yahoo!
    As I drew in my head, and was turning around,
    Out the door Mark ran with a bounce and a bound.

    He was dressed all in Prada, from his head to his toe,
    And his car was warmed up and ready to go.
    A bundle of Credit cards he had flung in his pocket,
    And he looked like a blur, and as fast as a rocket!

    His eyes-how they twinkled! his dimples how merry!
    His cheeks were like roses, his nose like a cherry!
    His droll little mouth was drawn up like a bow,
    And the smile on his face...well you had to know.

    He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work,
    And filled all the bags, then turned with a jerk.
    And laying his finger aside of his nose,
    And giving a nod, up the credit he rose!

    He sprang to his car, back to home he did fly,
    And the new ornaments from Macy's, were such a good buy!
    But I heard him exclaim, ‘ere he drove home within sight,
    "Happy Christmas to all, and to all a good-night!"

  3. I heard the scream in Palm Springs, I think it started an earthquake. Oh well, I know he'll be thrilled to go shopping for more CRAP. He should have tied the tree so nothing or nobody could knock it down. I toppled our tree once when I was an innocent child. We had carpeting so losses weren't all that bad.

  4. I don't think the comments should be longer than my post.

  5. Yeah but Garet's poem was so perfect!! I am impressed with his cleverness! Sorry for your loss, Mark, ornaments are so full of memories.

  6. Gotta say, that was a good one Garet.

  7. short and sweet, Alan- I promise. Very sorry about the tree and ornaments-my better half is a bit over the top with the tree and ornaments also. I'm leaving you with this shiny object and animal equation. Cat + silver tinsel = no one happy the next morning.

  8. So post the poem about Mark and delete the comment poem.

  9. About thirty years ago my cat Amanda climbed up the middle of the tree and rode it down like Slim Pickens on the bomb in Dr. Strangelove.

  10. Mark, sorry about the ornaments. Alan, I'm glad it wasn't you or Chandler that knocked it over! Garet your poem is great. It may have been longer than the post but it fits! Is Mark done shopping for new ornaments yet?

  11. Gee! I'm a poet and don't know it. hehe

    This is what you do with a lot of free unemployment time.

  12. Alan, You nap alot. Garet, Get a job flipping hamburgers or selling hot dogs, don't just sit home.

  13. I'm starting a new business. All the hamburger flipping jobs are taken by the younger generation.

  14. Can you make money growing snow?