Monday, June 13, 2011

Give Me A Head With Hair. Make it a Small Head Please.

Last Thursday I finally got to see something I've wanted to see since I was eighteen. Hair. No, not the nasty gunk clogging Mark's sink drain, Hair the musical. Nudity, drugs, simulated sex, what's not to like? Actually what originally drew me to want to see Hair was the music. Most of the big songs were covered by pop groups that made it big on top forty radio in the late nineteen sixties. Mind you, the Cowsills were lame, but the actual song, Hair, was so good even they couldn't screw it up. Then there was Aquarius by The Fifth Dimension, Easy to be Hard by Three Dog Night, and Good Morning Starshine by some guy named Oliver. Over the years I've become familiar with most of the rest of the songs in the show, thanks to the movie and hippie radio stations of the seventies.

So here it is, I've waited over forty two years to see this show in person. Mark managed to get great seats, in the orchestra, on the aisle. Aisle seats are important because all through the show the hippies are running through the aisles, interacting with the audience. The first act starts with the song Aquarius, and I'm happy. The actors jump from the stage, start running up the aisle, and I get the top of my head fondled by the head hippie. I'm even happier. At one point one of the actors comes over and grabs my hands, forcing me to clap along with the music. I'm really happy. Then it happens, as it seems to every time I go to the theater in Fort Lauderdale, the asshole has arrived. Forty minutes into the show the worlds largest man and his little blonde, bimbo, girl friend, comes lumbering down the aisle, and sits in the seat directly in front of us. It is like an eclipse. The stage has disappeared behind the huge mound of fat on his back, and the giant orb that passes for his head.

There were signs all over the theater, 'No Video Allowed! Turn Off Your Phone!', so of course the first thing Shrek did was pull out his i-phone, and start taking video. When he got tired of taking video, he started texting, and when he got bored with that he began a loud conversation with his air headed girl friend. As I sat there fuming, I thought about what my dad would have done if he were here. Dad was a big guy, with a commanding voice. He would have said something. I didn't. I just sat there, pissed off, and unhappy. That is until intermission. No, I didn't tell the fat ass off. I snitched. I casually mentioned to one of the little old lady ushers that the guy in front of me was taking video. Within a minute the head usher, along with a small army of his little old ladies surrounded him.

My joy returned in the second act. The gigantic fat guy was gone, along with his girlfriend. The hippie actors were singing their songs, still running up and down the aisles, and once again Mark and I could see the stage. It was far out man.


  1. Personally, I would have accidentally spilled my drink on his chair during intermission.

  2. I like how anonymous up there thinks! Good job!
    Glad you got to finally see your show! Fondling too!! You scored the mother lode.

    For me, it's A Chorus Line. I love it.

  3. Well done, I bet it was fun seeing the old ladies confront the freak.