Monday, June 6, 2011

Why does it smell so nice in the Home Goods store?

I hate to go to the shoe store. It takes me much too long to find a pair of shoes that I can be satisfied with. It's sort of like the princess and the pea. If there is any tiny bit of irregularity inside a shoe, I can feel it. If the sole is one eighth too thin, I can feel the pavement as if I were barefoot, and I hate barefoot. Other than the shower, I am always shod. Last week I realized that I had worn out my favorite shoes, and I needed new ones. This meant that I had to go shopping.

There used to be a free bus that stopped half a block from the house, and went directly to the mall near here. I loved that bus, it gave me the freedom to go shopping without Mark. Unfortunately, because of the economy, the county killed that service. Now unless I want to take a stab at driving with my bad eyesight, I am dependent upon Mark to make my way in the world. So last Thursday I was driven up to Famous Footwear, where Mark turned me loose while he toddled off to explore the rest of the mall. When I shop, I am single minded. I know what I want, and that is all I want. Mark on the other hand looks at shopping as a pastime, as entertainment. His favorite store is a place called Home Goods, and Home Goods is to Mark as Disney World is to little children. When he goes in there it's like he's intoxicated. I wouldn't be surprised to find that they pump some kind of gas into the store to make the most vulnerable shoppers go giddy, and lose their mind.

After trying on about a dozen shoes, I finally found a pair that sort of felt good to me. After paying for them, and assuring the cashier that I did not need any socks, I went off to find Mark. Sure enough, I found him at Home Goods, his eyes glazed over, dragging a large pool toy around the store.
"Mark, we don't need any pool toys."
"Yes we do. When I go swimming I like to float on them."
"You never, ever, go into the pool though."
Suddenly Mark veered off into another aisle.
"Hey! Don't you love this huge ceramic yard gnome?", the pool toy conversation apparently over.


  1. Have you tried New Balance shoes? I swear by them and I work on my feet every day!!

  2. New Balance are the pair I just wore out. Unfortunately the nearest NB store is down in Miami. Mi no habla espanol.

  3. There's one in Chicago on Clark St.

  4. That's even farther than Miami.

  5. Does Mark ever go in the yard?