Wednesday, July 6, 2011

Tuesday's With Mark

Something happened to Mark yesterday. For some years now Mark has been chauffeuring me around because of my bad eyesight. It's been a harrowing few years. He almost killed us on the interstate in Atlanta, slowing down to thirty five mph because he said he couldn't drive at the seventy mph speed limit while I screamed in horror. In Chicago he got lost, and ended up in the middle of the most notorious housing project in the city. He goes slow when he should speed up, and speeds up when... well he never speeds up.

Yesterday I had things to do. I needed a haircut, a new pair of shoes, and I needed to visit Home Depot. For all this I also needed my chauffeur, Mark. The drive to the barber was fine, no drama there. It was on the way to the shoe store in Miami that something happened. Mark learned how to drive. Honestly, it was the first time I have ever ridden with Mark and not had to scream in terror, or close my eyes. He merged onto the interstate, got over into the fast lane, and sailed on down to Miami at seventy miles per hour. The only difference between this trip and previous trips is the fact that some asshole had cut him off just before entering the expressway. The whole way Mark cursed and screamed at the errant driver. True only I, and a few dogs with acute hearing could actually hear him, but it seemed to distract him from his fear of driving. We got to the shopping center in no time, and for once I didn't feel compelled to give him handy driving hints.

Later this summer we are driving to Chicago again. I've been a bit leery about that, but we did it last year and survived. I think if I can get Mark pissed off at another driver just before we leave, it'll actually turn out just fine. I just need that other driver to be going all the way to Chicago.


  1. Must have been a drink special at BOOM.

  2. You need a house sitter?