Friday, March 20, 2015

This Little Piggy

My left foot
All my life I have walked splayfooted, or as it was commonly called when I was a kid, duck-footed. In other words, I walked with my feet at an angle outward from my body. Here's the horrible news, when I just Googled duck-footed, I found out that there are ways of fixing it. Now they tell me, after sixty five years of walking like Donald Duck. Anyway, walking that way causes other problems because your weight and movements aren't distributed properly. My problem lately has been that my little toes are being scrunched up against the side of my shoes, and it damn well hurts. Earlier this week, as I sat massaging one of my tender little piggies, I noticed what seemed to be some kind of growth on the underside. Believe me, if you have survived cancer even once, every little bump and lump is suspect. So I quickly made an appointment with the doctor. It turns out that I have what the doctor called "a corn". I've heard of that before, but had no idea what it was. My feet have always been pristine. No calluses, no growths, no blemishes at all on the skin. Plenty of problems with neuromas and neuropathy, but the skin was flawless. So you would think that I'd leave the doctor's office feeling good, feeling happy that it was something that simple. But no, I was thoroughly bummed out. You see the nurse had weighed me when I went into the examination room. Two hundred and twelve pounds. Talk about your little piggy.


  1. I'm sorry about your corn, Alan. You just took me back to being a small child and watching my mother take a razor blade and shave off pieces of her corn on the side of her big toe. For that imagery I am very sorry also.

    1. Have you ever had creamed corn? It's just as disgusting.

  2. What a corney story.