Monday, March 23, 2015

Urine the Wrong Bathroom



Very few people think that they aren't nice. I know that I'm a good person, at least within the confines of my own mind. Others might argue that point. After all, as a child I was kicked out of Altar Boys, kicked out of the nun's May Procession, kicked out of the school play that the nuns put on, and I was kicked out of Boy Scouts. I might have even been kicked out of the Catholic School I went to. All I know is that after seven years of nunsense I was suddenly switched to the public school system. And then there are all the people who used to give me the finger when I was driving. They were probably the ones who made phone calls to my boss on the, "How am I driving?" hot-line when I drove the company van. Damn bumper sticker. I suppose that if I thought about it for even a moment, I would recognize that there are some dark thoughts in my head. Usually though, I find that thinking of kittens and puppy dogs make them go away.

Here in Florida republican state representative, Frank Artiles, is trying to pass a law that restricts men from going into women's bathrooms, and women from going into men's bathrooms. Ostensibly his reason is safety. The representative reasons that keeping men out of the ladies room will prevent the rape of women and children. I didn't know that was such a big problem in Florida. Personally, I see it as a way to keep women from storming the men's bathroom when I go to Miami Dolphins games. Yes, that is a thing. I've been to at least a dozen Miami Dolphin games, and every time I have had to endure the presence of drunken woo-hoo women invading our sacred space. According to Artiles' bill you could spend up to sixty days in jail for breaking his law. Woo-Hoo! It all sounds reasonable until you read the fine print. It turns out that the law has all kinds of loopholes, loopholes that would still allow the woo-hoo girls to come and have a big pee party in the men's bathroom at football games. In fact the only people not included in the loopholes turn out to be transgender people. It almost appears that Representative Artiles has proposed a bill that is vindictive and mean spirited, and that he doesn't really care so much about women and children's safety as much as he wants to punish people who make him uncomfortable. I don't know because I don't actually know what is in Frank Artiles heart. But I'm sure if you asked him, Representative Artiles would say that he's a nice person.

6 comments:

  1. I've spent many a moment peeing in the women's bathroom at a gay bar with a drag queen. We discussed heels. I've spent less time in the mens room at a gay bar. We discussed the fact that I found penises interesting...like a giraffe in a zoo...something I don't see very often. I want the 80s bathrooms to come back in style. Unisex stalls where everyone was doing coke near the sink and I could pee in peace any time I wanted. I have also bought a guy a drink for letting me pee in the mens room...I had to go THAT bad.

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    1. I never used a women's bathroom until I went to my first gay bar. Although at my parent's house all the bathrooms were women's bathrooms. Seven sisters.

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    2. Wait a minute... you were drinking in bars back in the 1980's?

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  2. I might have coaxed an older, more experienced lady to buy me a drink...
    In truth I was s deer in the headlights and some old dyke would feel sorry for me and buy me one to calm my nerves. I would hide also...expecting my gym teacher to find me there...

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  3. Plus...in the 80s it was still cool for Dallas PD to walk into the bar and shine the lights on everyone's faces. Rumor was if you were kissing someone you'd get a ride downtown. I'm sure you've got your set of stories like that...

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    1. No cop stories in gay bars. I went to bars in Chicago in the 1970's and 80's. The mob (who owned the bars) paid off the cops in the 70's, and by the 80's the cops didn't care.

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