Tuesday, April 28, 2015

It's a Goddamned Miracle

I have never been a fan of those reel type dog leashes. As a large dog owner, I always felt that a good, strong, six foot leash offered more control. It was also the preferred leash when I took my dogs to obedience classes. My biggest fear with the reel leash was that my dog might dart out into traffic after a lizard or cyclist before I could snap that locking mechanism down.

Bette is a much different kind of dog than I have ever had before. She likes to roam. When we go out for a walk, Bette likes to wander up into people's yards. Way up into yards. She especially likes to pee and poop near front doors and windows. So with me on one end of the leash, and Bette pulling with all her might on the other end, I usually find that before I know it we are up in our neighbor's yards. This is fine for Bette, but for the people sitting in their homes watching television at ten in the evening, it looks like I am some kind of creepy peeping Tom. Again and again Bette has drawn me up into yards as I try to coax a turd out of her. So I decided to try one of those reel leashes on her. I went to Petsmart and bought one of those things. Oh my god, it's a miracle. Yesterday afternoon I clipped the new leash on Bette and we took off down the street. I walked down the middle of the street while Bette wandered off to the right, then back across in front of me to the left. She meandered here and there, squatting to pee again and again. Here is the surprising part. Whenever I got too far away from Miss Bette, she would look up and realize that wasn't with her and she would run after me. Like I said, it's a goddamned miracle. The best part, the part I like the most, is that I am standing on the street while Bette is squatting under the windows of my neighbors. She's pooping right under their nose, and I am not looking like a pervert.


  1. Mischievious MichiganderApril 28, 2015 at 8:35 AM

    Then how do you pick up her droppings after she's pooped under your neighbor's window?

  2. We have the reel leash. Best invention ever. Bette's turd is no bigger than a squirrel's turd...just mistake the two.