Friday, April 17, 2015

Pet Semetary

So Saint Joseph and been buried with his toes up, head down in the yard now for three weeks and we have not had one offer on the place. It's almost as if he knew I was an atheist and is refusing to do his magic for us. If his wife's paramour (aka; baby daddy) truly wanted me to believe, you'd think he would have compelled old Joe to get his ass in gear and sell this place. The real estate agent assures me that out of all his listings, mine is getting the most action. That may be true, we've had a lot of showings but no offers. I've got the house showings down to a science. First of all, the house is always kept nearly clean so that it only takes a short while to whip it back to show quality. Before the prospective buyers show up, Mark automatically disappears thirty minutes ahead of them, while I stay behind to wrangle the dogs. I have my tenant leave her dog with us when she goes off to work because the first time we showed the house they couldn't get in her apartment. Her fifteen year old, feeble mutt, turned into a ferocious guard dog that day. So when prospective buyers arrive, I herd the dogs out the back door into the dog run where I join them, hiding at the far end so that I will have no interaction whatsoever with anybody. I don't want to talk to the people looking at my property, I don't want to hear what they have to say, I don't want any contact at all until they sign those papers and give me the money. Yesterday we had another couple of old guys come by to look the place over. Once again I went through the house and made it look very special, I sent Mark away, and I took the dogs out into the dog run where I sat in a chair, out of sight and out of earshot. It only seemed like a few minutes before the real estate agent opened the door and motioned me back in. For whatever reason the two guys looking at our house breezed through it. Disinterested, is what the agent said. They seemed to be very disinterested in asking any questions or paying any attention to what he had to say, and took the least time of anybody to look the place over. I think we may have a buyer this time. I think they didn't care about the building because they just might want to buy the property, tear it down, and build a couple of townhouses. Come on Joseph, make me a believer.

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