Wednesday, April 1, 2015

Dildos For the Elderly

Mark received a catalog in the mail today that totally pissed him off. It was for old people things. Compression socks, a turkey neck lifter, deluxe walker with padded seat for when you get tired of pushing that thing around, skin tag remover, everything you could ever need in your old age was in that catalog.
"Why did they send me this thing? It's full of weird stuff that old people use." Mark whined.
"The same reason they sent you an AARP membership last year. You're old."
So there was a bit of back and forth about at what point old age sets in, with Mark insisting that he wasn't there yet. When we were done Mark tossed the catalog towards the garbage. He missed because he's old and can't throw things very far. Anyway, I picked it up and started leafing through it. I was surprised to see that there were actually things I could use in that catalog, especially for my bad feet. But it was when I got further back in the pages that I was even more surprised, or should I say shocked. They had two full pages of dildos and vibrators for old people. These were not the torpedo shaped, smooth vibrators that they advertised in the back of the Knights of Columbus magazine when I was a kid. These were full on dildos with veins and other anatomically correct details. So yes, it turned out that they did have quite a few things in that catalog that I could use.
1960's muscle massager.

1 comment:

  1. Send me a link to the skin tag remover. My boss said he didn't want his removed by a nail clipper.